Trying to heal from WW - part 2

[SteveLW]

I honestly hadn't thought of the possibilty of it dragging out, i just figured she would file when she gets a chance. Think she would need to take leave from work to go to court and file.

I should probably set myself a deadline that if she hasnt filed then i will do it. Maybe the 1 year mark of BD

Ace, WASs are notoriously lazy about actual action related to separation and D. They will talk about it. They will discuss it. They will push for it. All in the hope you will just take care of it. I think it is exasperated in your sitch since you (if I am remembering right) admitted that you took care of most things in the marriage up to now. My W was the same way. "I want a D. We can file online for $400. I am going to go get a job. You keep the house, D will live with you. I'll come over a few nights a week for family dinners. And have you guys to my apartment for dinner."

All talk. No action. The one time she actually took action (started working on her resume) she got very emotional, started second guessing her decision to get a job, get an apartment and get a D. And then she never did finish her resume.

This is why most of the time, it ends up being the LBS that grows weary of waiting around and finally files. Some do so from strength, having done the work on themselves: GAL, IC, 180s and detachment. Others do so weakly, sadly, and regretfully. Almost as a final resort. Your goal is to work on being able to do it from strength! Because you know based on all of the work you've done on yourself that this is your best course of action for yourself. To move forward with your life and to go live your best life possible.

If you look at the posters here that struggle the most, they move the D forward because they've convinced themselves that no matter how long they wait the WAS is never coming back. Instead of deciding that waiting forever is not what winners do and wanting to move forward for themselves! See the difference? (I should also note, the moving the D forward out of weakness is usually coupled with a lot of shortcut behaviors: dating while still hung up on STBX, drinking, depression meds (nothing wrong with them if they are temporary), etc.

Ace, stay strong!