I've missed you!!! I'm so excited for your week of nothing break!! I had one of those before I took my current position in a much lower stress job than the one in juvenile justice. It was absolutely bliss.
Things seem to be progressing with H, and what seems to be a really healthy way. You guys are navigating this uncharted territory with out professional help pretty well. I think that's pretty huge, and you should be proud of that. Imagine how much work you're saving the MC by learning to communicate and turn inward instead of outward while you both heal!
There a couple things I wanted to offer up if I could:
Originally Posted by may22
I'm more thinking about how I heal, how I let go of the past and of fear, how I live my life and love again freely even with this knowledge in my back pocket.
So in the beginning of these $h!tshows we're asked repeatedly to stop controlling and drop the rope on our spouses. Over and over we're told and have to tell our selves we can't keep them tethered to our expectations or ourselves. They have to do them. We have to do us. This side of the disaster, for the few of us that make it here, the rules are different, but still the same. My dear you have to drop the rope, that tether you have to the fear and the heartache of the past. The thing about falling in love is it's falling, unaided, with no safety harness. It's all or nothing standing on the edge and jumping in. Like LH said, yeah H could break you're heart again or you could move on and that guy could break your heart. H is already showing you he's scared you're going to change your mind. He's just as afraid as you are to let go and give in to the love here. Honey, all you can do is decided that you're willing to risk your heart here and let go.
Originally Posted by may22
. I just said it to note that it was a wake up call for me in a way, because in my mind I have demonized all WASs and here's one who isn't a horrible person. She's a friend. Just like my H isn't a horrible person. They've both done very $hitty things to the people they love. Are they irredeemable? Do I ditch my friend because she's done this? Or tbh it seems like she is in need of a friend right now, a non judgmental one.... anyway. Just sharing these things that have come up for me recently.
This friend right here was a WS. People make bad decisions. People hurt and flail and do lots of things they said they'd never do. While there are some WS/WAS around here, and out in the world, who are truly awful humans for the most part they are just very fallible human beings. Just like all LBS aren't angels regardless of how some people like to frame themselves. Given how things are still very triggering to you, you'll have to decided if you can tolerate supporting your friend through this. And you are coming in with a pretty strong bias maybe you need to disclose that, and she can make the decision on whether or not to lean on you through this on her own. Maybe you can be objective and a little removed and supportive. That's just something you'll have to feel out as you go.
