I am not detached, Pack19 part4

[Pack_19]

hi LH! Hope you are doing great!

I agree with your lawyer. You should answer questions regarding kids and finances but be as brief as possible. If you can give some examples of the emails I can suggest how to respond.

I will try to explain. I actually thought showing this strength was a change on my side for the better. I always think I will not do anything to harm or inconvenience her, but I will also not move a finger to make her life better, specially considering all that has happened with OM and her constant attitude of despite towards me. This is so hard, maybe you guys can help me.

For example, she would get an email in German where the real state company requests our approval of the next payment by the bank and she would forward it to me out of nowhere asking me if all is fine and how the payments are going. Now please understand this, for the first year of our S I would answer all these emails in a kind way and trying to inform her. Did it help me? No. Did it change the way she used any chance to remind me of all my fault? No. I have heard many times here I was trying to nice my way back and it was never going to work. Now I try to be a strong man, never going against anyone but trying to protect and defend what I have so hard worked for, and you tell me I have not changed. Please help me understand how a mature and detached man would handle this, I dont want to show her a man at her feet anymore.

So now, I see this email and I think, well she can use an online translator and see exactly what they say. She left our home, regardless of whether I could pay or not the mortgage, she told me to stay in Germany as far as possible from her and the kids and she threatened me with a miserable life in order to get the kids back to Spain. All I am doing is defending my position as a man, you wanted nothing to do with our house, how come now a year and a half later you are very interested. I am trying to change LH, for the better, but I dont think I want her to see any change anymore, after all she has done, if she ever was to come to me I dont know what I would think. I hope I have explained myself and you all can offer some guidance.

That was a weak and kind of pricky statement. Stay away from statements like this in the future.

I guess that was hurt talking. I wanted our family to live in that house, it was probably the biggest achievement in my life and all I got from her is that I manipulated into buying it and that she was in Germany because of me (in a blaming tone). I dont want any R with this woman the way she behaves now LH, I want to talk to her about only essentials and some day I will be able to show her a strong man, the wonderful man she has thrown away.

I later sent her an email telling her not to ask me anything more about the house.

Pac that was a controlling email that will just remind her that you have not changed.

I sent her a first email telling her I would handle all linked to the payments of the house, which I have been doing in terms of payments and paperwork since she left. Then she replied to that telling me she must be informed about everything. To that email I replied that I would not avoid any communication between her and our financial advisor but not to expect any information from my side. Then she sent a new email insisting I inform her and then is when I replied in that mistaken way.

I feel like I have been humiliated enough during this situation LH. All the times she has said I destroyed our M, all the times she has accused me of having jealousy issues, the way she has pushed me out of her life as if I meant nothing, all the days I have to say goodbye to my children and go out running to avoid crying at home. I dont want to be childish or vindictive in any way. I just want to show her a man that has principles, sticks to them and expects respect. But where is the line? What emails am I suppose to answer and what can I ignore?

My W has ignored me and pushed me away form her new life for almost 2 years now LH, and I still call her W in my head. Thanks a lot for your comments and help. I hope I managed to explain myself and you can offer me some guidance.

Telling others what to do is controlling. We're all works in progress. Be wary anytime you're telling someone what to do unless they're your subordinate or kid.

Hi CW! I thought I was referring to how others interact with me and trying to set a boundary with her. I will think about that the way you and LH have explained it and work on it not happening again. Thank you both, looking forward to hearing back form you!