A year on and standing 2

[ToSmile]

Half a year pass by since my previous post and hope everyone's good during this trying Covid times.

For this half year, I had been minding my own business, work out, focus on the kids, but reduce in going out and get a life as most weekends the kids are with me and I just spend my time accompanying them.

She remain staying in the study room and carry on with her own routine. Less in Feb this year, she invited a friend whom she claimed she had discontinued contact with to our place that crossed my boundaries. This friend of hers was someone whom supported her EA back and I confronted my wife about it. She claimed that she invited her as she felt she was not an involved party but I made my stand to her. Such person are not welcomed.

Then things went back to "norm" and in March I celebrated her birthday with the kids.

And yesterday, her mom's best friend passed away and she went over to accompanied her mom as she was very affected by it. After she's back in the evening, she proceed to crusade about the divorced again. She laid out 2 options to me. Either we carry on status quo, and divorce years later when the kids grow up, or we divorce and stay under the same roof and bring the kids up together.

I told her, she had always been making plans about divorce and thought that everything will end up according to her game plan. What makes her think I would still want to stay with her after we divorce? I've got to move on. I got to have my own life. I ain't gonna be still standing here anymore. But, I am not stopping her to proceed. I understand what she wants and she can just serve the letter to my lawyer.

She keep saying that she want a divorce with me to put a closure to our relationship and after that she can talk to me normally like a friend. Then she claims that I am stopping the divorce as I am not allowing overnight access of kids to her and taking the kids away from her than we originally agreed on shared access. I told her I came to that conclusion as she had emotionally threatened my kid till he almost killed himself and thus, I am standing firm on this.

I told her if she really want to divorce, just serve to my lawyer. She then claim she had done so previously which I mentioned I had not receive any notification from my lawyer? Then she said it was the draft that was prepared by her lawyer's admin that she emailed to me. I told her please, just forward the proper version to my lawyer and not something by someone unqualified which I could draft even better than.

Next she start to bring out all the nonsense form the past again which I got so tired of and after some minor exchange with her, I told her I am tired. Just wish to rest on a positive mood and these exchanges are pointless. Before she left the room, she asked me so what is the conclusion of this talk? I told her I leave it to her. Then she mentioned that our counsellor offered to mediate for our divorce if we need her to and walked out.

The reason I post this after a while is because:

1. Got to be frank I am slightly affected by the session last night as such talks are draining. Need to get it off the chest.

2. I am not feeling as bad as I was before and focus that I have to be strong

3. It becomes more and more clear to me over the days how freaking selfish she is (which WAWs are anyway)

4. Feeling kinda ridiculous that she expects me to adhere to her playbook and plan even after we divorce

5. Felt the exasperation in her when she felt that I am not in her control

6. Well if she's gonna serve, I gonna sign and move on. Ain't looking back anymore. I am one when I am in relationship, I stay committed and give it my all. But once I move on, that's it. I can't phantom being around with someone in that manner. Then it would be my turn finding it hard to breath.

7. I just don't like the way she play nice in front of me to the kids. I know and was told by my helper too that when I am not around, the kids got it rough from her. But when I am around, she became so engaged with them. But for this portion, I leave it to the kids to see through their mom. What I can do is to arrange for more counselling for them in the meantime to prep them better.

8. I also note that she had an enabling mother that's not making the situation matter encouraging her on in funny ways.

9. She is still in a mess. just like recently she got into several accidents and instead of reflecting on her carelessness, the blame is on the car and she wanted to sell the car away and get a new one. Like how it is for family as well?

10. I just need some support and peace. Have not reach out for a while. Am also planning a weekend out with friends as she will be bringing the kids for staycation.

But the rope in my hand has dropped. I may wept for the past, but I have to smile for the future.