Elbereth, very good stuff here. I guess my only concern for you is to not rush this through with the thought that it will end your pain sooner. I'm a proponent, as you know, of setting a dropdead date. On that date move forward with the D with no looking back and no regrets. But it has to be long enough out that the LBS can work through all of the emotional baggage they have left with their WAS. Earn your way out, as the bald Texan TV psychologist says.
I also am concerned with your acting out of fear. Acting out of fear rarely gets you to where you want and need to be. Finances are always a concern in D, and I get that. But I believe in hard work to get to the financial security so many crave. No marriage or D can replace that. And as far as your L, they always push to file and moved forward. I encountered the same in my sitch. All I wanted was knowledge, the L I consulted with pushed me to file immediately. You have to sift the wheat from the chaff.
El, you're definitely one of the strongest LBWs we've had here. I just don't want you to believe that you can shortcut the emotional side of precessing through all of this.
I don't feel that I believe that I can shortcut the emotional side of processing all of this...so I'm doing my best to focus on that as well...and know that I can do more as well post D. Yes, I'm acting out of fear, but it's fear for my future financially. I'm not afraid to be on my own. I'm no longer afraid of losing my H. I can only control me and I want to have control over my finances. That feels empowering to me. I don't feel desperate. I hope that makes sense?
As for being one of the strongest of the LBSs out here? I'm not so sure about that! I see a lot of strength in many of others out here and their strength has been guiding me as well. I feel so lucky to have found this forum, because what strength you see in me would have been impossible otherwise.
Me 52, H 56 T10 M7, 2nd MR for both 2 Step Sons (19 and 21) BD: Fall 2020 D finalized: July 2022 XH Married AP soon after D day.
