Thanks DnJ. I feel very strong indeed. H arrived last Saturday. When he arrived he gave me a firm hug and a kiss on my forehead and also brought a small present. Nothing special, something I normally ask regularly if he comes over but since some time now not anymore seen the current situation but he brought it anyway, without me asking.
Strange how detached I feel now. Even the hug didn’t give mixed emotions, it actually didn’t do anything. The only emotion I had was compassion, definitely because of the way he looked. Old, skinny, tired.
I know now the meaning of full detachment. For about a year I thought on regular basis, now I’m there, I’ve reached that level, but I was not. It is difficult to explain but you will know once you’ve reached that stage. That’s for sure.
Originally Posted by DnJ
You wisely know H’s path is his to travel, and are letting him. Keep it up. He will most likely turn more to you in the next while - if he has it in himself. Dig for patience my girl. Pressure-free and let him lead his path. All while you live/love your life. D
H did not share anything yet and I’m not sure he will this week. I see a lot of depression in him, (sleeps a lot, not active at all, signs and complaints of illness) but also still a bit of running behavior. But most important, he is friendly for now. Hope he stays that way the whole week.
Some questions for which I seek advice:
1/ I have a very close connection with his family and they know the situation very well since they have experienced his behavior several times over the past year. I also still see all of them on a weekly basis and they have been a huge support. My BIL and SIL now asked me to come over and have lunch this week with H and kids and they would prefer to have me there as well. I would like to go. Would send a text message to H (then I don’t confront him with the message f2f and he can think about it): Hey ... and ... asked us all to come for lunch next Saturday with kids. Would you like to go? If you prefer to go alone with kids, not a problem. Just let me know.
2/ Divorce: he hasn’t mentioned anything as yet since 2 weeks. Most important decision to make. Him buying me out ref. the house. He requested for a loan in our home country but the banks denied it since he doesn’t live here anymore. He then told me he would try to get a loan in the country he currently lives but I did not yet receive an answer. Should I ask for it? I would like to know since we need to sell it then and now it is the excellent timing for it to put on it on the market.
I simply want to keep things going. I have reached the level of being OK with or without him.
Originally Posted by DnJ
You are doing really well and quite the inspiration also. Exceptional situations birth exceptional people.D
This sentence made me feel so happy, you can’t imagine how much!
