After I wrote my two year thoughts on H, I asked myself what “I” have accomplished in 2 years.
Well, I’m still here. That isn’t a complaint, just an observation. Covid has allowed more at home, that has been hard, but really, I joined a gym, made new friends that I still have kept in contact with during the shut downs. (I actually have plans with one, as soon as I get my second jab) I have done stuff that I wanted to do. I haven’t been rude, I just Am catering to me. I have realized I can make it, although I want him with me, I know I’ll be ok. IC has been ever so helpful, just to vent.
I have seen chattiness and experienced extreme silence. I have felt lower than lows, I don’t let the lows stay with me. I can’t. I also have had normal days.
I did not see him at all yesterday. This morning, he was still home when I got up. So I asked if he was working over night and he told me he’d be home around 10. So I don’t expect him anytime soon. D went away for the weekend, so I am experiencing just me and the dogs. I have plans to clean out a storage shed this weekend. If he is not working, I assume I will only see him when he wants food.
I get pangs of anxiety when he does something different, like “what does that mean? Is he planning on leaving?” Then I think, if he does, he does. It would still be hard, but that world ended two years ago. This is my new world.
It is supposed to be perfect weather here, so maybe Sunday a trip to the beach is on order.
