Steve_ Facing reality Part 1.

[JosephS]

Steve,
I don’t want to make you mad. I want you to see how this looks from every angle. I had an incredibly tough time myself accepting reality. It’s weird what we can accept but we almost have a hard time believing the most simple truth of all. Our spouses are unfortunately liars. This is why you believe nothing of what they say any only half of what they do. (In terms of our marriages)

I feel for you more than I let on. Tough love is just sometimes what the doctor ordered. I had so much help here, I owe so many people so much, but particularly Ginger said somethings on my thread that really helped me see I wasn’t being the best me. I wasn’t the best father. I wasn’t the best man. I wasn’t the best anything. I wasn’t horrible and certainly didn’t deserve what happened, but I played my part. I was absent and neglectful. That doesn’t mean I deserved what happened. It sure as heck doesn’t mean my kids deserved anything they got, but I was never going to be in a good honest decent relationship if I didn’t change my ways too.

For us Steve, this isn’t about saving our marriages. They are dead. This is about saving ourselves and far more importantly our children. What I want you to see is this isn’t the end, this should be the beginning. Because if you can let her go, see your mistakes (and you make them trust me, you’ve lashed out on here and done some questionable things) you will be the best version of yourself for you, your kids, and the next woman who does deserve you.

I am truly sorry you are going through this. I truly feel for you. Some marriages can be saved. Some should be. I am a big believer in forgiveness for yourself and your partner. But another hard reality is you can’t forgive someone who isn’t sorry. And trust me, your W isn’t sorry. And she very well may never be, but if she is, it should be too late.

I was with my W since I was 20. 16 years. Darn near half my life. She was my everything. In retrospect it wasn’t healthy. But it was what it was. I couldn’t imagine a day without her face, a day without her voice, her smile, her smell. She was my everything. Quite literally. I cried a many of nights wondering why me? What did I do? Accept it for what it is, why me was because I was blind to who she was and what I did to deserve this was nothing. As far as I can tell you’re in the same boat.

What I wish you could see is the unlimited opportunities for happiness and love once you climb this mountain. I’ve been with someone now who I have a very healthy connection with, and I wouldn’t trade this entire experience for the world. I am so much better off and happier. I just want you to join me at the top of the mountain and see what I do.