I'm not going to beat you up. I just did a quick scan through your threads, but your first wife sounds like a nightmare. And this girlfriend does not sound much better. What kind of grown woman is having sex with a not-yet-divorced man with two kids and isn't using adequate birth control? (Not that you shouldn't have had a condom on too, but really.) I mean, birth control does fail sometimes, so I'm not necessarily putting all the blame on her, but she has to own some responsibility too.

I don't have any good answers for you to your current problems, except to say don't get married just because GF is pressuring you to. She seems to be much too much like your ex.

A few things I would recommend:
First is see your own counselor for YOU. Find out why you choose these women. Why you don't see the red flags. And what your part in these relationships is. YOU need to get healthier in order to have healthy relationships.

Second is re: your kids. It's awfully difficult with your ex filling their heads with negativity. But be consistent and loving and eventually (maybe years from now) they will know the truth. You may want to have a talk with your daughter at some point and explain to her that even though it LOOKS like you were the one that left the marriage by moving out those first few days, it was really your wife that wanted the split. Also, if you stay with GF, be prepared that your kids might never have a good relationship with them. Here's my sister's story:

My sister's first husband had an affair and left her a single mom with a 5 year old. She then started dating the gy who would become her second husband (call him B). B's wife had told him she wanted to go out and date and "see what's out there", which she did This didn't set well with B, understandably, and they separated. B then met my sister, started dating her, and eventually married her.

B had a daughter, "M", with his exW. My sister is a kind and loving person and tried to be an exemplary step-mother to M. However, M's mother planted in M's head early on that exW and B would have gotten back together if only my sister had not showed up, therefore my sister was responsible for their divorce. (Not her cheating openly on her husband!). M never warmed up to my sister with this implanted in her brain and has always been kind of awful to her. She's an adult now and is entitled and selfish. Her father died two years ago and she has been so awful to my sister that we are actually relieved that M cut off contact with my sister, as it was way too much drama and my sister is a people pleaser who was devastated by her inability to maintain a good relationship with her.

Third - you have an obligation to this new child you are bringing into this world. As such, you need to make sure the GF is safe and cared for during her pregnancy (not necessarily by you personally though!) and you will be financially responsible for this new life. This doesn't mean that you need to marry the GF, who sounds, personally, just as toxic as your ex.

AS for the whole cleaning and cooking thing? It sounds to me like she wanted to be a SAHM and was slipping into that role - now that you've made it clear you are not ready for marriage yet, she may want to spend more time looking for work (although she's not likely to get hired while pregnant, let's be clear) and less time playing wifey. That's fair.

Look, I know this isn't probably what you want to hear, but I don't think this relationship with the GF will work out, because she seems to have way too many red flags already. What you need to decide is how best to support your child. This might mean GF living with your through the infancy months (which really needs two people, it's exhausting, cannot imagine doing it alone) and that would give you time to bond with your infant. Or it might mean her returning to live with her parents (if that's an option) and you unfortunately will need to work harder to have a relationship with this child. Counseling together with her is a third option but from what I've read here, doesn't sound like a promising one.

I'm sorry you're in this position. Don't let all the drama keep your from being the best dad possible to the two kids you already have.