One foot in front of the other

[Elbereth]

Thank you SteveLW, May22, and Oceangl. I am doing my best to take one day at a time, one step at a time, and trying not to get caught up in the little things. And keep the big picture in mind. Yes, Oceangl, I am ready to "rip the bandaid off" and just get it over with. Every day that goes by the itch is getting worse...literally as well as mentally...as all this emotional stress is playing out as an eczema flair-up rash around my neck... He has filled out paperwork, but hadn't filed it...he just passed it to me to look at still thinking that we can do this amicably and without lawyers. I'm not going to settle for that...as he's not even agreed to the post-nup I wanted him to sign for the money he has taken and used towards his A.

Step S18 was moody last night so H and I talked about it last night. H says he's at a loss at what is going on with him and thinks it was some trouble with friends. Yes, the poor kid is already dealing with so much, two households, lost senior year, lost sports, and now parents divorcing. I asked H if he thought the D was also contributing to his moodiness...and he refuses to believe that it will have any effect on S. His selfishness just astounds me. H is like "it will be okay, we all just need to find our own way". Easy for him to say as he's hopping from one life into another of his choosing while the rest of us are forced to deal with a future we didn't want or ask for. But to avoid R talk, I didn't get into it...not sure anything I would have said would have been heard anyway. Poor kid is losing his car (as we losing one car and not getting another one due to the D), he's going to lose his second home (which is much nicer and better than what he has at bio-moms house), and he's already lost a year of his life during his youth. How can he not be affected? I wish S18 would talk to me, but he doesn't share with me his emotions. All I can do is continue like discussed, be there for him however I can be...and show my love and commitment.

I know I am not supposed to stalk the OW, but from social media it appears that her situation is moving along too...where before it appeared the family didn't know, they do now...at least that she wants a D. And she has a son still at home too. Two families destroyed by two selfish people. I feel bad for them too.

I do feel more empowered doing my financial course. I am also starting to try to figure out what assets will be split so that I can also use this new knowledge as part of that process. And setting a real budget for myself and my future. I am also taking time for myself, long walks, and other things I enjoy and working on my resume and portfolio to help ensure I can take care of myself, by myself in my future. But it is hard. I've been emotional and irritated...and just wish I could just skip this hard part and be on my own by now, with everything taken care of for me. Ha! Wishful thinking.

Anyway, thanks for listening to me vent. And for your kind words and good advice. I am not sure what I would do without this forum.

xo
El