While exH is here, we need to finalize the house. I want to buy him out & he's "considering it". I've made it clear in a few emails my intent, and have made offers. I've got an agreement written up and a mobile notary on speed dial. We just have to sit down and agree on a number.
Good. Well prepared.
Originally Posted by CanBird
I feel SO confident at times, but get flustered and feel... well stupid. Okay, that's the wrong thing to say! I'm not very experienced when it comes to negotiations. Especially my house! THAT"S HUGE!! Why do I feel like this man has control over me? Maybe because I allow myself to think that. Like I'm coming against an opponent that usually outwits me. I do feel like I've come along way. I've just got to write down some points, and practice my preach. You know, like you do before a job interview. Role play... ..
Stupid is definitely incorrect regarding you and your abilities!
I understand the frustration and feeling of being up against a bigger opponent. However, H probably feels the same or even worse. Consider his track record regarding the house. He is half responsible and doesn’t live there. This is a burden he most likely would like to be free of.
By the way, when I go into an interview, I am who I am. I do not role play. Be well prepared and be yourself. In this situation, be your intellectual business self and get the deal done. You can let out those emotions after.
Originally Posted by CanBird
Gently steer towards my goals... my goal is coming to an agreement with exH and we sign it. I have no idea how to start the conversation with exH. Well, we've already starting talking about it via email.... but I'm not sure how to really start the conversation. ... keep it all business, with zero expectations... "Hey,, can you set sometime aside, to talk with me about the house? With your mom being here, it'd be the perfect time, can we do that? " I would say that in front of his mom, so she knows I need to talk with him. I have no problem telling her what I need.
Starting a conversation is oftentimes the hardest part.
Depending on how long a visit H and MIL are having may dictate the needed speed of your efforts. A couple of weeks, you could afford a couple of days to see if H brings up the house, after all he is considering it. A weekend, you better be forward and to the point.
That being said, H may not bring it up at all. So it will fall to you to start the conversation. That’s ok. Good even. You are taking control, and being the initiator places you in a position of somewhat power and leadership. Utilize that position.
I would suggest less asking him to discuss things and more telling him your availability. The idea is a discussion is happening, you and he are just nailing down the time and date.
So after the small talk and other necessary information exchange regarding D4, where they are staying, and such.
“H, I am free on Thursday afternoon to discuss the house offer. 2:00 pm at Joe’s Diner?”
Simple. Straightforward. Definite with a time, date, and place. Leave nothing up in the air and vague. Best to discuss this matter away from the house. Keeps it business-like, more numbers and figures rather than walls and memories.
Best of luck with H. I do hope he is amicable and ready to deal.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
