New Beginnings Pt 3

[CanBird]

Dear universe, thank you? Every have those moments when EVERYTHING is happening at once? In the uncertain kind of way. Each of my ducks is doing well, but at the moment swimming in circles. And then there are those hoops we all have to jumps through. One after another because that's just the way it is. I am thankful. And I'm mentally exhausted.

I have to remind myself that I have chosen to take the path I am on, to TRY and get what I deserve, to go after opportunities that are presented and keep breathing deeply when my heart races. All I can do is have faith and try. Not trying is a forgotten moment. It's gone. I'm doing what needs to be done and I'm blessed to have people in my life that are helping me along the way.

The next few weeks are critical. I'd love to say more, and I will when I know more.

I'm strong. I'm not giving up. I deserve this.

Prayers for the brightest of lights to guide me through this.

Amen

[CanBird]

BIG Duck, aka the ex msg me. He's planning to see D4 NEXT WEEK. And I hope that he does. She'll be excited to see her dad. He's looking for his own place to stay while he visits.... his work is sending a covid test to the house, hold it for him, .... he doesn't have a ticket yet... will let me know... and he gave me the date he's "returning to his work out of state and out at sea". (well, that's what he says....)

It's almost been a year since he's physically seen her. He was at sea for 8 of those months, (this I know) and he communicated with her here and there with short videos and pictures.

The last time he sent a video msg to her (or any msg for that matter) was Christmas 2020. Actions speak louder than words, so we'll see if he shows up. I'm sure he's got a few ducks of his own to line up. I know I do.

If you've been following along, then you know what some of my ducks are. Basically "stuff" I need to get done. Hoops I have to jump through to make it to the finish line. I am SO close. And as mentioned in the previous post, everything is literally happening at once.

Over all I feel like I'm in a good place and we can come to an agreement and both move on happier. He's considering what I'm asking, but we still need to come to a final agreement. I know what my limits are. I've been punching the numbers for months. THIS IS the moment. THIS IS the finish line. Those of you who know my story, you know what I'm talking about.

Other than that, I'll be setting the littlest duck free tomorrow. Lucky ducky is still swimming happily (and that's good), slow duck is slow, but worth the wait. It's just the way those kind of ducks swim. And that's it for now.

I will be very busy tending to the flock over the next few weeks. I've come so far and I am so proud of myself for not giving up. THANK YOU all that have given your endless advice. I am forever grateful. We are almost home xo

[DnJ]

Good Morning Can

A whole week with XH visiting might just get things over the finish line.

THIS IS the moment. THIS IS the finish line.

This is just a possible finish line.

True, much effort and number crunching has been invested into yourself and your life to get to this point. Remember, if XH doesn’t make a deal this week, there will be other future opportunities; the finish line would only be moved forward a bit. Although him considering your proposal is a pretty good sign that things may progress well. I’m hoping it does.

Dial expectations to zero and see what XH has in mind. As best you can - if needed - gently steer towards your goals.

You are doing wonderfully. Continue your path. And tend your flock.

D

[CanBird]

No word from exH/Big Duck on his flight plans. He hasn't told me where he is now, but I know. My step-MIL actually called me & told me where he was, and that he had been out of the country. (gf is in EU...no surprise there)

He's at his brother's. If he does fly here, I have a feeling his mom will come too. I love both of my MILs. I feel very fortunate. Yes, I know, blood is blood, but they are both good to me. My mom is deceased, so I really feel a tight bond with them.

The rest of exh's boxes went into the garage. That felt good. No need to come in the house. I also changed the door knob on my door so it has a key lock. Didn't have time for the fancy keyless ones. Because the house is in both our names, I didn't change anything else. In time. I also did some paint touch ups on the exterior trim around some of the windows. Looks nice & clean. Small house, one story. Easy..lol..

I got in touch with a mobile notary, who will be available during exH's visit. Another duck to add to the flock.

I was given a tentative offer for the Gov position I applied for. Did fingerprints on Monday. Waiting to do another background check online. There's been issues with their servers, so I haven't been able to start anything. Apparently it takes 2hrs min to fill this thing out. Yikes! It reminds me of the paperwork I did for my green card. I did it all myself. And I did the forms for my citizenship to. Just follow the instructions and you can't go wrong.

The bad news: my pool is turning green & my fridge ice &water dispenser is broken. The pool I can fix. Drain a bit and refill. It's not my first swan dive. The fridge? Well, at least it still works. Will need a new one.

No new online hopefuls. Or Hope Fools. The one new fellow I was chatting to is so immature. I'm starting to think he just might be a teenager with a fake account. Done with that one.

Oh. I have to share that D4s nanny is a blessing. She's been watching D4 for free, as I go through this transitional stage of my journey. She is truly a blessing. I offer to pay her, and she gets offended and refuses. One thing is for sure, I've got several angels in my corner, protecting me through this. I am feeling their kindness and it's given me such strength and hope when I've needed it.

Happy Easter friends

[job]

You sound very strong and positive! If you are doing the security forms for a gov't job, yes, they will take some time to fill out. I know you know this, but...be sure to keep a copy for your records.

Sounds like you've got your "ducks in a row" w/having a mobile notary on call. Your xh doesn't have a clue just how intelligent you are and ready to get everything completed.

Have you checked on line to see if you can fix the ice/water dispenser? It may be something very simple or the line could be clogged.

Your nanny is truly a blessing You have many people who are in your corner and I am happy to read that everything is coming together nicely for you.

Happy Easter to you and your little one.

[CanBird]

"Arrive 6th leave 15th". That's all that exH said in the last msg he sent. I don't know where he's staying, but he did say in a previous msg he was looking for a place to stay.

In a previous post I said I had a feeling that exH would bring his mother with him. It's possible. She sent me a text yesterday, "Happy Easter... I may have a surprise for you soon". (Maybe she's sending something with exh? or maybe she's coming?) I know D4 would love to see her. She's had her vaccine and is retired. She'd come in a heartbeat. And I'm sure exH could use the help/support with D4. I love her and thinks she's great. We have a good relationship. I'd love to see her, but I'd also like to see exH be 100% in care of his child. He has no idea what it's like to care for a child 24/7.

Today I'll be working with my savvy friend to draft up something up for big duck. It's a weird feeling I have. I can't explain it. Kind of like the ride is over? Or maybe I'm waiting for it to arrive again, but since I've been on it so many times my feelings have subsided? Almost numb?

Side Note: My fridge is working. The ice & water are functioning fine. A pleasant surprise. But now my pool is greener. The universe likes to keep me in balance. Keep calm and carry on. No rest for this lady.

Be well and Keep on Keepn' On

[CanBird]

Everybody has creepy crawlies of some sort in there home. The invaders I have are blue baby centipedes. (2" long).
They bite; it stings like a bee. Never in my 8 year of living in this house have I ever seen an invasion like this! I killed at least 10 in my kitchen. Guess what I'll be doing in the near future. Oh, did I mention my pool funky again I know, hard times right? It's a pain, but I do love it.

My intuition can be pretty spot on sometimes, and I was spot on about my MIL coming with exH to visit. They arrive in 14 hours, will be coming to the house to get D4 and then going to their accommodations that are pretty close to my house.
I'm excited for D4. I haven't told her yet. Just put a note in her lunch that says, "A BIG surprise is coming your way soon!" I LOVE surprises. I'm sure she'll have a great time.


THIS IS WHERE I NEED HELP: Is there a how to on this?
While exH is here, we need to finalize the house. I want to buy him out & he's "considering it". I've made it clear in a few emails my intent, and have made offers. I've got an agreement written up and a mobile notary on speed dial. We just have to sit down and agree on a number.


THIS IS WHERE A.D.D. affects my life....(I made a call today to seek IC..not for my A.D.D. but that's part of it)
I feel SO confident at times, but get flustered and feel... well stupid. Okay, that's the wrong thing to say! I'm not very experienced when it comes to negotiations. Especially my house! THAT"S HUGE!! Why do I feel like this man has control over me? Maybe because I allow myself to think that. Like I'm coming against an opponent that usually outwits me. I do feel like I've come along way. I've just got to write down some points, and practice my preach. You know, like you do before a job interview. Role play... ..

This is the first time D4 and I will spend more than the night apart. I better GAL up a storm right? Heck yeah! I've got one task that I have to complete ASAP... background check (sf85) anyone done it? Funny, I was suppose to start it on Friday, with a 3 day deadline, but I had issues logging in until today. The deadline was waved by the supervisor who does the checks and he said take your time, all good! Great, but I'm going to do it ASAP of course, so I can GET that firm offer and EXCEPT it with an AMEN! You bet I'll take it!

SO many things going on at once. But I am blessed in so many ways. When our new routine gets started here, in OUR home, with me working from home, and D4 starting K in the fall, it is going to be SO sweet. That is going to be my thought to get me though.

Okay... it's midnight where I am... my favorite time to post... I know the east coasters will be reading this with their coffee.

Be well, be same & Keep on Keepin ON!!

[CanBird]

You sound very strong and positive! If you are doing the security forms for a gov't job, yes, they will take some time to fill out. I know you know this, but...be sure to keep a copy for your records.

Hi Job! Yes, that is what I'll be doing. Will be keeping a copy for sure!

Sounds like you've got your "ducks in a row" w/having a mobile notary on call. Your xh doesn't have a clue just how intelligent you are and ready to get everything completed.

Thank you xoxo That really means a lot. He really really has no idea.

Have you checked on line to see if you can fix the ice/water dispenser? It may be something very simple or the line could be clogged.

By some miracle, it fixed itself! I just took some of the ice out, banged my fist on it a bit, you know, like the "Fonz".

Your nanny is truly a blessing You have many people who are in your corner and I am happy to read that everything is coming together nicely for you. /quote]

Yes, nanny is truly a godsend. And she is wonderful for D4 who is SO curious about religion. I was not raised with any kind of religious up bring, but I have strong faith in hire powers for sure. Nanny is bringing a lot of light into our lives.


[quote=job]Happy Easter to you and your little one.

Hope your Easter was a hoppy one.. (pun intended..)

[CanBird]

A whole week with XH visiting might just get things over the finish line.

I sure hope that's how it plays out. All I can do is throw a pitch.

THIS IS the moment. THIS IS the finish line.

This is just a possible finish line..

I'm happy to be running in the race. If we don't try then we'd just never know the possible out come.

True, much effort and number crunching has been invested into yourself and your life to get to this point. Remember, if XH doesn’t make a deal this week, there will be other future opportunities; the finish line would only be moved forward a bit. Although him considering your proposal is a pretty good sign that things may progress well. I’m hoping it does.

Dial expectations to zero and see what XH has in mind. As best you can - if needed - gently steer towards your goals.

You are doing wonderfully. Continue your path. And tend your flock.

Gently steer towards my goals... my goal is coming to an agreement with exH and we sign it. I have no idea how to start the conversation with exH. Well, we've already starting talking about it via email.... but I'm not sure how to really start the conversation. ... keep it all business, with zero expectations... "Hey,, can you set sometime aside, to talk with me about the house? With your mom being here, it'd be the perfect time, can we do that? " I would say that in front of his mom, so she knows I need to talk with him. I have no problem telling her what I need.

Time for bed...

Have a good day D

[DnJ]

Good Morning Can

While exH is here, we need to finalize the house. I want to buy him out & he's "considering it". I've made it clear in a few emails my intent, and have made offers. I've got an agreement written up and a mobile notary on speed dial. We just have to sit down and agree on a number.

Good. Well prepared.

I feel SO confident at times, but get flustered and feel... well stupid. Okay, that's the wrong thing to say! I'm not very experienced when it comes to negotiations. Especially my house! THAT"S HUGE!! Why do I feel like this man has control over me? Maybe because I allow myself to think that. Like I'm coming against an opponent that usually outwits me. I do feel like I've come along way. I've just got to write down some points, and practice my preach. You know, like you do before a job interview. Role play... ..

Stupid is definitely incorrect regarding you and your abilities!

I understand the frustration and feeling of being up against a bigger opponent. However, H probably feels the same or even worse. Consider his track record regarding the house. He is half responsible and doesn’t live there. This is a burden he most likely would like to be free of.

By the way, when I go into an interview, I am who I am. I do not role play. Be well prepared and be yourself. In this situation, be your intellectual business self and get the deal done. You can let out those emotions after.

Gently steer towards my goals... my goal is coming to an agreement with exH and we sign it. I have no idea how to start the conversation with exH. Well, we've already starting talking about it via email.... but I'm not sure how to really start the conversation. ... keep it all business, with zero expectations... "Hey,, can you set sometime aside, to talk with me about the house? With your mom being here, it'd be the perfect time, can we do that? " I would say that in front of his mom, so she knows I need to talk with him. I have no problem telling her what I need.

Starting a conversation is oftentimes the hardest part.

Depending on how long a visit H and MIL are having may dictate the needed speed of your efforts. A couple of weeks, you could afford a couple of days to see if H brings up the house, after all he is considering it. A weekend, you better be forward and to the point.

That being said, H may not bring it up at all. So it will fall to you to start the conversation. That’s ok. Good even. You are taking control, and being the initiator places you in a position of somewhat power and leadership. Utilize that position.

I would suggest less asking him to discuss things and more telling him your availability. The idea is a discussion is happening, you and he are just nailing down the time and date.

So after the small talk and other necessary information exchange regarding D4, where they are staying, and such.

“H, I am free on Thursday afternoon to discuss the house offer. 2:00 pm at Joe’s Diner?”

Simple. Straightforward. Definite with a time, date, and place. Leave nothing up in the air and vague. Best to discuss this matter away from the house. Keeps it business-like, more numbers and figures rather than walls and memories.

Best of luck with H. I do hope he is amicable and ready to deal.

D