I agree with KML. Make him do the work on that one. I think it is a blessing in disguise that she was used to not seeing him. To her, everything is normal and it doesn’t feel like a loss. That’s great. As she gets older, she will decide for herself how much contact she wants with her dad. Likely she will become aware of other kids who have their dads around full time and her curiosity will increase. That’s what happened with my XH and his daughter. He had never met her and then she started getting curious about him once she started going to school. They met about eight months after we had gotten together and it was difficult because the bond that happens when you raise a child from birth was not there...for either of them. Seeing that, I tried really hard to pave the way for them to form a bond but after 11 years of dealing with her mom (to take the stress off of XH) and pushing him to do more, I eventually left it up to them. They almost made it but after the affair was discovered and his daughter started to look back on his behaviour and how it related to the times he hadn’t been there for her, she decided she couldn’t trust him and that her life was better without him in it. That is where things currently stand and it saddens me. I’m hoping there will be an opportunity for them to have some kind of a positive relationship in the future but that will be up to them. So...my advice, from that experience, is to let them figure it out. Don’t get in the way of it. If he reaches out, help them to be in touch but don’t try to make it happen or make promises on his behalf. That just adds to her disappointment if he doesn’t follow through. Just be the awesome mom you are and see what happens.
Btw...regarding date #3 with Bach #2. I’m leaning towards not having it. It sounds to me that your intuition is telling you he’s not right for you and your brain is just trying to come up with some good objective reasons to justify it. There are lots of great guys out there but it doesn’t mean you should date all of them. He deserves to be with someone who thinks he is “it” and so do you. Be patient. He’s out there. (((Hugs)))
