One foot in front of the other

[Elbereth]

Thank you. I'm trying to take things one day at a time and logically, and in the best ways to grow or improve myself.

H has been in and out the last few weeks. Most recently I am not aware of where he is. While he is out, there has been very little to no communication. Unlike before, seemed he was at least sending me at least one chat a day (miscellaneous stuff or family stuff). But during these last two times away, very little. So much for Distance and Pursuit. Seems he's full on in distance mode and accepting of mine.

He did communicate a response to the agreement, that he claims less funds taken were used for his A or in ways that were not in my agreement. He sent all kinds of banking records etc, but nothing showed what really happened versus just spending of his normal income. So I sent that back with comments. In addition, he sent me the paperwork that he started for the D, but hasn't filed yet, along with info on how to file. Very bare on content. One key thing that caught my eye is that he had the date of our marriage wrong. He even totally missed our last anniversary. That was painful. And enlightening. Truth is, it really shows how far away he is at the moment. And how important is is for me to just keep the D process moving along (hoping for the agreement as a start).

Younger son has been coming over later than the normal shift day. Not sure if it's just he's lazy about moving his stuff (it is a process from house to house) or if he has feelings about being here with me when his Dad is not around. I'm trying not to read too much into it, but it also happened on our last time...so that has me a bit concerned. But I can't do anything about it except keep my love for him out in the open, and keep the door open. H wants to sell the house in the next few months anyway, and things will change drastically in our living arrangements, so I am trying to not get caught up in the worrying about it. It has been hard as the boys I know love me, but they don't open up to me emotionally like they do with their bio-mom or dad. So it's really hard to know what is going on in their heads about this whole situation. Lastly, I am bothered that H is not always around when his son is here...the days are numbered on when he will be living at home (he's off to college soon) and H should be trying to be with him during his weeks on parenting plan.

Anyway, not much more to journal about right now. One step at a time.

El