I'm just going to throw this on the pile so you can explore things at your own pace and you can get a full view of your options here. I really wouldn't recommend MC or even Steve's suggestion of IC with W present. (No offense Steve but I really think your W is the exception here not the rule. She deep down must have had a lot of love for you or respect or both because thinking of my H doing that at the time we did DC I can't even imagine how horribly that would've gone.)

Honestly given what happened with me and a few other couples I know of intimately I would have to say attempting MC or IC w/W present are absolutely the worst things you could do. if they're out the door they have no interest in giving 2 $hits about how you feel or what you think. It will go very very badly, very very quickly. DC removes all of that.

Like May said it's short term. 5-6 sessions tops. They are long sessions like 80-90 min and they will be booked week after week for that time period. They don't like doing gaps. You will each get a short time period with just the counselor, then both of you going in together. The individual time is really more so that the counselor can get a handle on where your head is at. It also gives them a better idea of what the underlying dynamics are vs what they are seeing in a more tense setting. They will discuss the 3 options as May presented D, work, status quo. The likelihood of this ending with an R is slim to none, however, it will move you out of limbo, and it'll give you some closure that you've probably been looking for.

If and that's a big IF, if you guys do decided to both work on the MR you will be in intensive MC for 3-6 months. Our agreement with DC it would've been 5 and then a reassessment. None of this is cheap, just a warning.

Last my experience with this was pretty ugly. No one's DC experience is pretty but it was extraordinarily ugly. We, H and I, made it through 1 session. Just 1. She asked one question regarding his FOO and he absolutely lost it. Just totally off the deep end. And then we fought for 3 hours after. During this session and after here's a list of things he said: he never really loved me, the only reason our relationship progressed was because I coerced him into it, I dictated our entire relationship with ultimatums, everything he ever did in our relationship was to fulfill the expectations of other people, we were just so different there was never a chance with us, he thought those difference were what made me special but he was wrong those difference were the reasons why he was miserable, there was no point in doing any more sessions he wanted a D, there was absolutely nothing left in the marriage for him, his daughter was not my kid, my kid was not his, I better not try to get money from him we weren't married long enough for that, I could go on forever. However, my favorite of all the crap he said in the fight after the session was because I knew exactly what he was going to say he accused me of eavesdropping on his session with the therapist. When I said "Unlike you have ethical standards, you're just so pathetically predictable I didn't need to listen in to know what's going through your head," he didn't take that well. BUT because of that session I read DR and I came here. AND it was really great for me to hear all of the insanity that was going through his head. He looked me in the eye and completely rewrote our history and believed every word of it. He spoke about his child like she was luggage he could just haul with him. A child I had been parenting for years longer than we had been married. He looked at me with nothing but disgust and contempt, and for the life of me I couldn't understand where the contempt had come from since I was the one carrying the household, the parenting and the MR while deeply depressed. It was then that I realized what I was really up against. It wasn't just OW, it was my H's own warped version of reality.

That changed a lot for me. It really helped me come to a place (that this place helped me fully flesh out) where I knew that if I really wanted to get to the other side of this I had to worry about me and my kids and absolutely nothing else. He was lost and he was on his own to find his way. I couldn't save him or fix him or fix our MR. I could only save me. The rest would fall into place as it should.