New M, new WAW

[BL42]

mako,

Saturday afternoon she asked if I wanted to watch some TV with her. So I did for a bit. Bad decision. Out of the corner of my eye I see she keeps glancing at her phone and then I can see her typing on what appears to be Bumble. There it is.

Brings back ugly memories. My W & I were watching a show we always watched together yet she sat on the other couch and texted the entire time. She told me it was with her best friend, but I knew for certain it was OM1. She would also lay down with our son to put him to bed then stay there till midnight or 1am texting OM1 while he was in his bathroom or hiding in his truck in the garage. One time I went out late at night for medicine for our son (in another town because the local drug stores were closed) and I came back and instead of being thankful she was texting the guy at how annoying I was...going out for medicine for our child. It's amazing what they'll do behind your back or even right in front of your face. It also demonstrates how angry (reasonable or not) they are at us to disrespect us so much. Because of my snooping (stopped long ago) I have better insight into how much she distained me (probably redirecting her anger or guilt at me so I'm to blame for her actions) and how disrespectful and far gone she was/is. Don't underestimate that in your sitch. It could seem cordial at the surface but be extremely nasty not far underneath (even if you don't deserve it and it doesn't seem possible).

I tell her "I'm going to go, you're going to do what you want but I'm not going to sit here in the same room with you while you chat with other guys, I have too much self respect for that."

Good for you! That's stronger than I was at the time. Don't put up with her immoral, disrespectful behavior.

She apologized and said that was fair, she is not sleeping with anyone, she isn't emotionally or physically available to anyone right now, she just likes to talk and there are a lot of nice people who have gone through the same thing. Ok. Definitely a dating app is where you go to talk about your problems, not an IC or something. And I'm sure these guys joined a dating app just looking to have a nice little supportive talk.

She apologized...but not enough to uninstall Bumble I bet. Words are easy, but she's still doing the same action (albeit maybe slightly more discrete going forward).

If it had ended there it would have been fine, but we ended up in a R talk. It was actually a decent talk for a while but ended up with too much rehashing of stuff. I know exactly how to DB but when I'm in the moment I just don't follow through. I was unhappy and just left and took a long walk. This would have been a good time to GAL but I was really not in the mood, being outside a while cleared my head though.

Lesson learned (AGAIN). Do not hang out as if you're friends. Do not hang out as if you're friends. Nothing good will come of it. This is not going to happen anymore. If I'm home I will hang out with the kids or with myself. I don't need her to help me spend my time.
...
We talked a little about detaching and letting go and we agreed that was something I needed to do. I'd like to think I am finally ready. TBH it's a lot harder when you're under the same roof, but I'll get there.

As LM19 said, it's brutal to be IHS and have your wife shopping around behind your back (or worse in front of you). You'll get relief when she moves out.

She apologized and said that was fair, she is not sleeping with anyone, she isn't emotionally or physically available to anyone right now, she just likes to talk and there are a lot of nice people who have gone through the same thing.

Oh yeah. So the new panties aren't for you, I wonder who they can be for? Hmmmm.....

Prep yourself. There's a very good chance she has done physical with someone else, and is lying through her teeth about it - mine did, as did so many others in sitches on this board. The bumble/texting could be "just" emotional and non-physical, but as LH19 points out...why the new panties? They're not for nobody.

These things are so predictable.

Time to focus solely on you and your kids. If she wants out, let her go.

Yep.