New M, new WAW

[mako]

W did not go out on Saturday night. However, Saturday afternoon she asked if I wanted to watch some TV with her. So I did for a bit. Bad decision. Out of the corner of my eye I see she keeps glancing at her phone and then I can see her typing on what appears to be Bumble. There it is.

I tell her "I'm going to go, you're going to do what you want but I'm not going to sit here in the same room with you while you chat with other guys, I have too much self respect for that." She apologized and said that was fair, she is not sleeping with anyone, she isn't emotionally or physically available to anyone right now, she just likes to talk and there are a lot of nice people who have gone through the same thing. Ok. Definitely a dating app is where you go to talk about your problems, not an IC or something. And I'm sure these guys joined a dating app just looking to have a nice little supportive talk.

If it had ended there it would have been fine, but we ended up in a R talk. It was actually a decent talk for a while but ended up with too much rehashing of stuff. I know exactly how to DB but when I'm in the moment I just don't follow through. I was unhappy and just left and took a long walk. This would have been a good time to GAL but I was really not in the mood, being outside a while cleared my head though.

Lesson learned (AGAIN). Do not hang out as if you're friends. Do not hang out as if you're friends. Nothing good will come of it. This is not going to happen anymore. If I'm home I will hang out with the kids or with myself. I don't need her to help me spend my time.

Yesterday we did not hang out at all. She texted me while I was outside playing with the kids that she is going out on Tuesday and Friday (why she couldn't just tell me, who knows). So I responded that I am going to go out Wednesday and Saturday. So good, I have plans, though I'm not sure what they are yet.

Today I went to IC. It was good to get some things off my chest. We talked a little about detaching and letting go and we agreed that was something I needed to do. I'd like to think I am finally ready. TBH it's a lot harder when you're under the same roof, but I'll get there.