The only way to heal is to allow yourself to feel the pain, Steve.
Just like an addict coming off heroin, it's horrible and painful. You are a codependent addicted to a narcissist.
You're going to have to go through withdrawals in order to make it to the other side. It's going to hurt, and it's going to be lonely for quite a while, learn to be ok with that and stop fighting it.
What you resist, persists. Stop looking for shortcuts.
One piece of advice my IC told me which really helped was to "make friends" with my pain and to not fight it. The more you experience the pain and don't try to numb it through alcohol, women, sex etc., the less of a grip it will have over you.
