Add me to the do not believe in soulmates stuff. Not even sure what that means?
But no you cannot force anyone to love you. Even a "soulmate" because there is always a little thing called free-will. People that were madly deeply hopelessly in love one minute, fell out of love the next minute. As you say, life is messy! People want their cake and eat it to. Look at you, not wanting to give up on your marriage, but dating other people. That is wanting your cake and eat it to. Just like your WW is doing!
Also, it has been said on this forum before, oftent times the LBS is the one that ends up filing for D. WASs and WSs in particular are notorious for being lazy when it comes to D. Sometimes it is to flip the narrative "He D'd me!" and they leave out that they BD'd you and left you.
But none of that matters. What matters is how long you are willing to put your life on hold and wait for the WAS. As I said, it is up to each person individually but I was only willing to wait 1 year for her to make up her mind. Life is too short, and I was staring 50 in the face. So she was either going to recommit to the marriage, or I was going to pull the ripcord myself and move on with my life. I don't think anyone could accuse you of giving up on your marriage after a year and a half of giving her ample opportunity to come back. What you would be giving up on is being held hostage in limbo and waiting for a WAS to change their mind. But you gave the MR every opportunity after a year and a half.
THe good news is that you don't have to decide anything now. TIme is on your side now. If you wait 5 more minutes, 4 more weeks or six more months, at this point it is just more of the same. So you do not have to be in any hurry, but I would have a honest discussion with myself if I were you about how much longer you are willing to wait.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
