OK, I really appreciate all of the advice. However, I think this really highlights the problem with this forum. I asked what I thought would be a really simple question: Should I say thank you or not? And here is a sampling of the answers I received (paraphrased, of course):
LH19: Nothing you do matters! [I would call this the nihilist approach, lol]
SteveLW: Say thank you, but only when discussing the dogs! [let's call this the practical nice-guy approach]
CWarrior: Say thank you, but only if you want more cupcakes in the future! [the utilitarian approach]
sandi2: Don't you DARE respond to this nonsense! [the tough love approach]
wayfarer: How dare you NOT respond immediately with a thank you for the breadcrumbs she's throwing your way??? You're a weirdo!!! [the NGS approach]
ovrrnbw: This is a stupid, silly question. [lol]
As you can see, the advice is all over the place. I think the veterans on this forum need to get together and have a meeting about what it means to be DB'ing, because a simple question like this should not really illicit such divergent responses if you are all reading from the same book. I think there was a post earlier about why not many people are posting on this forum anymore, and I think this thread may provide some insight.
Now don't get me wrong, this forum has gotten me through many a dark night, just reading through other people's situations, knowing that I'm not the only one experiencing this craziness. And for that, I'm truly grateful. But honestly, I was kind of surprised by all the answers to this very simple question.
Hmmm. I think maybe you are over thinking this. And also you may be gagging at gnats. You haven't been here for a year, and then you come with a simplistic question and expect us all to understand the idiosyncrasies of what has been going on, and be able to give you an uniform answer to whether or not to thank your WAS who has dragged you through a separation and dealing with dog exchanges over some cupcakes.
And for the record, put me into the "DO NOT THANK HER!" category. I took you struggling to not be jerk and gave you the answer based on your struggle. Kind of a begrudging "if you have to thank her, do it in context of the other logistical discussions you need to have with her". But my preference is to align with sandi, drop the NGS and move on with your life instead of dwelling on some flour, sugar, eggs and milk rolled into cupcakes. Heck, I even have the thought that maybe you shouldn't eat the things. Maybe that is her way of getting the dogs all to herself is to give you some poisoned cupcakes! (Some of the WWs we've had here I wouldn't put it past them.)
Will it ruin any chance at R for you to thank her? No. Will it ruin any chance at R for you to ignore them? No. That is LH's point.
However, enumerating all of our responses and acting like we are giving you conflicting information on a life or death decision is ludicrous! Heck, you could hire 6 DB coaches and get 6 different answers! DBing is an art, not a science. If you approach it like a science you will be disappointed. There is no DO X and GET Y result. I wish there were. Heck if there were then MWD wouldn't have had to write her books, or have this forum. There would be one "STOP A DIVORCE" book written 50 years ago that would give you that answer. But it doesn't exist.
DBX, I do wonder though if you aren't punking us. You show up, get confrontational, about the same time dunnm posts a thread essentially suggesting that the forum is bunk. No one is forcing anyone to post here. And when you do you get people that get nothing more out of trying to help than the fact that they've been through it too, and know how crappy it is. But I would suggest that a year later.......your situation is NO different than last year.....maybe you should be trying something different. That's DBing.
Peace.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
