Steve_letting go part 3.

[sandi2]

I dropped the kids off and stayed in my truck the last time. WW did message me to say she is very happy with how I have been doing those outdoor hobbies and things with the kids. I told her "thank you, yeah its pretty fun" and that was that.

This is really a great step, Steve. May I suggest that you practice using only couple of words when you feel you must reply? For example, rather than saying "thank you, etc.".......just type TY. That's all you need to say. Also, try sending emojoies, rather than words. For example, you could have just sent a and said nothing else. The less words you use, the better.

My WW is a control freak, she has to be in charge of things, she has to know everything, she hates surprises and if you just come up with spontaneous plans she will most likely be put-off.

This is why she wants in your business all the time. Although she doesn't want to be married and settle down and be a family again, she wants the control in your life. I think you need to bear that in mind every time she throws a bread crumb in your direction.

I am more of a very laid back easy going type of guy. My problem is I was raised by my single mom and didnt have much of a masculine role model.

The two opposite personalities in you and WW are not uncommon at all. As for as you not having much of a masculine role model growing up, I'll pass along something the men on the board use to tell one a few years ago. They suggested they find a man they really respected/admired and could learn from this man by studying how he approached situations and how he handled problems. How did this man command respect? The man could even be fictional. However, if you have someone in real life, I would suggest you try that first.

I am of the mind that the reason my wife loves me is that I have that soft, nice guy, more easy going and compassionate side. And it makes her feel good and loved and all that. But what was missing is the attraction. And if I was more in the feminine role and she was more in the masculine its only a matter of time until that dynamic breaks down. I was doing all the child rearing, cleaning, working, etc. She was simply existing in the M and doing pretty much nothing but hanging out and being spoiled.

Can I get an amen from the choir! I have posted many times about this very situation. I have yet to see this dynamic prove successful when it comes down to keeping the attraction alive. You cannot do everything and leave her with no work/responsibilities. She will get lazy & bored. You cannot spoil her in this way. It will only kill her attraction for you. There are two adults in this relationship, and each one should have equal responsibilities. In a heterosexual relationship, a woman doesn't want to be married to another woman. She wants a man.

I guess its observations I think I saw in our R. Thought id share them.

Very good. Thanks for sharing, Steve.