Just my two cents on the cupcakes. Thank you is fine if it was immediate. Oh cup cakes, text thank you. The end. Having to get an opinion on what should be knee jerk politeness is why everyone is throwing NGS at you. If you were truly grateful and didn't want to be a jerk you wouldn't have come here asking for advice on gratitude over baked goods from an ex. That being said, you did come here, you didn't say thank you right away like a weirdo, because one can only assume you were looking for some pay off for that gratitude, so now you're just going to make things super awkward if you bring it up now. Don't do it. Next you can DB without being a jerk. You could've said thank you in a normal human person time frame. Also not saying anything at all is also not being jerk. Filming yourself throwing them in the trash and then taking the trash out and sending said video to her, that's being a jerk. Best case scenario here is what's been suggested multiple times. Thank her the next time you have a reason to interact with her, and leave it alone.
The deeper issue is why are you reading into cupcakes 20 months after BD? Don't mind read. Don't read into every day scenarios. Focus on what you're doing to heal and move forward.
