[Eagle3]

Both of your posts made me think again, so very good advice CWarrior and DnJ. Thanks!

Didn't know about a post-nuptial agreement, never heard of this. Will definitely take this into account if needed.

The last few weeks have been going really well for the children and me.
We all accept the situation and handle it well, each in our own way.
S16 is still having the hardest time but he talks about it which is good. In the meantime it has become very clear to me which difficulties he is having a hard time with and I am helping him with that. It was also good for him to go and talk to an IC, which has helped him opening up even more.

The BIG question: Then why do I still want to be there for him?
Simple, because he is the father of our children and because I have always respected him for who he was and what he stood for.
Is he still this person? No.
Did he choose this himself? No.
Do I want to be with the person he is right now? No.

So, I decided to be there for him, as a friend I wouldn't immediately say, but as the father of our children. This is the only qualification I can live with right now.

I was partly right. The feeling occurred to me he had doubts again.
Well, a few days ago I got a call from him.
When I picked up I had a very confused STBXH on the line.
He told me that he is really not well, that he wants to know what he has, that he wants to give up everything over there and come back and whether there is still room for him in our house.
He also asked if I had somebody new.
Furthermore he also said that him returning would be seen as a failure to everybody, because he would have to give up his work etc. (therefore I think he has difficulties in taking the step)

I've been honest to him all the way.
I have made it clear that there is a place for him in this house but in the guest room, and that the first condition is that he seeks help here as well.
I made it very clear that I want to help him because he is the father of our children, not in any other qualification.
I also told him that there is nobody new in my life. That this is not what I'm seeking, but that I have a good life again, together with my family and friends and that this is something I will not give up anymore.
I assured him that this would not be seen as a failure, but just as a success, as he finally wants to work on himself, because the fleeing and the unhappiness will last, that there is no way out but to face it.
He listened very carefully and agreed on everything.
He told me he would call me back the next day.
Surprise, surprise, of course I didn't hear anything.

I hope I have handled it well?

Yesterday he did call the children, I was friendly and said hello, nothing more. He was very calm as well.

I guess he just need to process again? Anyway, this will not affect the path I'm walking, although I'm anxious and afraid at the same time. I'm happy now, what if he returns and it is false again?
Don't want to go to the same rollercoaster as the past 2 years...

But, as said, we are not there yet. Curious what will happen in the coming weeks...