Well the weekend is over and I had the friendly H. I was working from home yesterday and felt like getting a pizza. So I texted him in the other room and asked if he would go get a pizza. Surprisingly, he replied yes and went to go get it. He did not eat with D and I, though.
Today is our 29th wedding anniversary. I have feelings of sadness. Just about how things were before BD, and all of the really good years. Like 29 years ago, we were invincible. I did not bring this up to him. I know no R talk. I get overwhelming feelings though of wanting to talk to him. Especially when he seems so “normal”. I know if I asked if D is really what he wants, #1that would be silly to ask, because it would be so out of the blue, after this long to now ask? No, I won’t. And #2 if he said, that he wanted to stay together, I honestly have no idea of how to get to that point. Right now he’s just living in the bedroom, working and working out. He’s more “available” for small chat, but he’s done this before.
Maybe this is a thaw, but I am needing to see more and I am hoping that I will have a clear signal. I know people might think I’m nuts or delusional but I still love him, and I want to work things out. I refuse, at this moment, to file, since this is not what I want. Every week when I speak to my IC, she reminds me his actions have been opposite of what he said. I still have a hard time seeing that.
I’m just rambling tonight, tomorrow will be better,
