Steve_letting go part 3.

[Steve_]

So a bit of an update.

Ive been doing really well with pulling back and detatching a little more each day. Not there yet, I am still battling the lonliness and depression but a little less. I am doing very good with the GAL as well. Ive spent most of my time with my kids rebuilding RC cars and driving them around places and taking them to the lake and fishing things like that. I posted a snap chat of a RC truck I thought was awesome with a caption like "dude this is so cool, my next one some day, wishlist" it was a traxxas maxx truck I got the smaller 30mph ones now the kids love them and I got lots of friends following us and interested in it. They are really fun to do anywhere and fun to teach the kids to maintain them and so on. Well WW gets the snap off her sisters phone and buys me a $550 truck that does like 60mph... I didnt even know what to think about that.... I told her sister to tell her thank you, and me and the kids will have a blast with it.

I dropped the kids off and stayed in my truck the last time. WW did message me to say she is very happy with how I have been doing those outdoor hobbies and things with the kids. I told her "thank you, yeah its pretty fun" and that was that.

Im going to pick them up after work today. I got some parts to fix our second truck and I plan on taking them up into the mountains and try to find some snow to play in with the RC cars tomorrow. The charger can be used on my truck so we can head up there and go fishing and driving the trucks and stuff all day and the kids really enjoy it.

WW went and got lip injections, yeah she looks rediculous. One thing about her is her beauty, she was a 10. but that just looks tacky and messed up. She is trying so hard to go to the extreme and be nothing like the mom and wife she was, "trapped" into being. She is living a whole different life, everything she is doing the new car, the lips, boobs, new friends and work its all some fake life..crazy part is that she thinks she is okay, but its truly insane. I just sit back and shake my head, what a mess.


Something I have been interested in working on is understanding relationships better. Something I read with Cory Wayne and also with Tony Robbins was about the masiculine vs feminine energy and sexual polarity. I realize that our relationship was very off-base. My WW is a control freak, she has to be in charge of things, she has to know everything, she hates surprises and if you just come up with spontaneous plans she will most likely be put-off. I am more of a very laid back easy going type of guy. My problem is I was raised by my single mom and didnt have much of a masculine role model.

I am of the mind that the reason my wife loves me is that I have that soft, nice guy, more easy going and compassionate side. And it makes her feel good and loved and all that. But what was missing is the attraction. And if I was more in the feminine role and she was more in the masculine its only a matter of time until that dynamic breaks down. I was doing all the child rearing, cleaning, working, etc. She was simply existing in the M and doing pretty much nothing but hanging out and being spoiled. I sort of believe this (NOT AN EXCUSE) but was a symptom of why she went outside the M for affairs. Losing attraction over time. But couldnt leave me and the safety of her M. Until the last OM showed up who seemed so nice and caring and everything I was but with more money and he was shiny and new. Then he wanted her to stay home, to cook, to clean to watch his 3 kids and our two kids. That didnt work for her and she began to argue with him, stonewall, bicker about the kids, get frustrated and resentful toward him. In the end she still sees him as a good person and thinks thier only issue was the kids but no not really.

I feel like in the next relationship I need to take a handfull of both of these things. I will still love and support and be very compassionate, but Im going to also not be afraid to ask things of my partner, say what I want in a loving way, and expect them to put in the work that I do. I dont need to be 1000% masculine constantly thats just not me. But I definately cannot be in the feminine energy all the time. yes girls love a sweet sensitive caring man, but he becomes unattractive and boring over time. In line with the NMMG stuff. I guess its observations I think I saw in our R. Thought id share them.