Trying to heal from WW - part 2

[Ace_32]

Hey Sandi, thanks for stopping by its good to hear from you again. I hope you are well.

She probably did have an agenda but i had no idea what. I dont think anything started before BD but i might be wrong. Dont think she meant dating other guys, we both said we dont want to see anyone else and we would stay together and try long distance but as dating. It was stupid of me to agree, was trying to cling to any hope i could get at that stage but i realise now it was all lies. A few months after i asked her what happened to us dating like we agreed and she said she basically changed her mind because she was too hurt.

It makes sense, i can see now that now that she was just thinking about herself. She basically said a few times around the time she left how she just wants to be selfish and think about herself, started a few months before actually. She became very selfish near the end and didnt want to try work on anything, basically said its my turn and i was fighting a losing battle.

I can see that it is pursuit and you are right that it wont really change anything if she admitted it. If she did tell me the truth it would be one less lie i guess. Im just so sick of being gaslighted by this woman, she always made me think i was crazy for how i felt or what i suspected.

I have started listening to christian meditation podcasts as well and trying to pray when i get triggered to try calm myself down. CWarrior had some good advice in his post to me a few days ago about pausing, writing it down and reflecting before acting. I will start trying to do that when i get triggered again.

It was quite a shock, she also lied to me about how many sexual partners she had before me when she admitted to cheating years ago before we were married. My whole perspective started changing and thats when i became jealous and more controlling because i felt like i didnt know who she was or how much else she has lied about.

I blocked her on social media and messenger services now as well, it helps prevent me from snooping and i also dont want to hear anything from her again once she decides to unblock me. She can contact me via email if there is anything urgent.