Trying to heal from WW - part 2

[sandi2]

After she left she started changing and getting more and more cold and mean towards me as time went by.

That usually happens when the WW has a private agenda.

I didnt trust what she was saying about wanting to date on that wknd and asked her if she is sure thats what she wants, and she said it was.

I think she meant dating other guys, but use what I say as a teachable moment. Do not date your WW if she is dating anyone else. You are not competing with other guys to date her. The only way you should consider ever dating her, is if she shows the right kind of improvement and wants to date each other as way of working toward reconciliation. Don't ever date her just to see how it goes.

She also said its unfair how amazing i was with her those last few days because thats all she ever wanted. I know now that it was all lies or she wanted a last memory or for it to be easier to leave with a backup plan while she sees how things went in her new life, i honestly dont know.

Look at her statement again, Ace. She's not complementing you. She's talking about herself. She's talking about how unfair it is for her, that you decided to wait until now to change. Guess what? Her words come straight from the WW playbook. WW's are eat up with self-centeredness. "It's not fair!" Priceless, don't you think? In the meantime, she's going out there and date OM to see how it goes. If it doesn't go like she wants, then she'll come back to you.

The anger side has been quite rare for me in my sitch to be honest, the fact that she wont just admit it really makes me angry tho. What motive does she have to not admit it, it makes no sense to me.

Since when does the WW make sense to the logical male brain?

My opinion is that she blocked me because she doesnt like what i am saying, i dont bomb her with messages all the time. I just wanted her to admit it, i havent asked her about OM in 2 months but i guess thats because there were no more signs until now.

Stop bombing her with messages at any time! Can you not see how that is pursuit? You are pressuring her to admit something. Why lower yourself to that level? Her admission would change nothing.

Thanks guys. CW i get what you are saying about pausing and thinking, im not great at controlling my emotions in the moment. When something triggers me i tend to lose my senses a bit and I'll do something even if i know at the time it isnt the right thing, working on it.

Okay, you are working on it. How? What technique do you use to control your emotions in the moment? If you tend to lose your senses a bit when triggered, then you need some method to apply.

Cant trust them as the people we used to know (or think we knew, i definitely believe my W lied and hid alot of herself in the beginning of the relationship) and i didnt let myself believe the bad that came later was really her. The thing is alot of stories i heard of how she was before she met me started making sense later on.

I can't imagine the shock it must be to have such a thing revealed about your spouse. Look, I've personally been acquainted with a few women who completely snowed the guy before marriage. Some women are terrific actors!

Found out my dad has a surf board in his storage room, so going to give that a go again on saturday. Also going to borrow a guitar and start playing again for the 1st time in about 10 years. Been going to Youth Connect at my new church every week for 3 weeks now. Slacking a bit on the gym and reading, fell into a bit of a bad place for the last 2 weeks but started pulling myself out of it again yesterday. One step at a time.

Well, you go!