I honestly have a plan going forward that I think will work for me. I am going to just distance myself as much as I can, be there 100% for my kids, and when she asks for anything else just politely and respectfully decline. No anger, no games, no manipulation no trying to solicit any "feelings". Just time and distance and being steady and not bouncing around her emotional games.
That is a good plan. Now, break it down. Decide how you will distance yourself. For example, not going to your in-laws house if she's there, would be a good step. Not responding to her texts when it's not about the kids, could be another step. She's going to pester you until she either gets mad or bored with you not responding. Whatever she feels about it is of no importance to you. She has to learn the hard way that you won't fall for her tricks.....including using the kids as a portal to have a conversation about the two of you.
Know what another good step to the plan would be? Coming to the board before you react/respond to anything concerning your WW. Give us time to talk you down from the ledge before you leap into another dark hole.
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I want to be a Steve who is not gonna be pissed one day or a push over the next. Honestly things have been a lot easier and this distance has grown greater since I haven't been talking to her or doing anything to "fix things." Im gonna take my day off tomrrow and go fishing up in the hills after I get my truck registration and so on taken care of. I really need to stop worrying about eveyone else and find some inner peace.
Sounds good. I don't know if you've always had a problem with impulsiveness, but you may want to think ahead with a strategy, whenever you have those overpowering moments to believe something your W says. What can you do to bring yourself from 100 % sky rocketing emotions, back to earth where you can think calmly & rationally? Perhaps it's not impulsiveness, but it's something that causes you to rush right back to her while tossing everything else out the window. I think you are beginning to see, if you can get a grip on reacting to emotions. Even if you feel a certain way, you don't have to respond. Know what I mean?
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I feel like the best option I got right now is to stop doing anything and just worry about myself and my kids.
Absolutely!
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
