Oceangrl: Update on MR and LRT sitch

[may22]

Hi OG,

(HUGS) I have thought of you quite a lot through all of this and am glad you're back here. I remember so vividly you saying don't hold your breath when my H broke it off with his AP last February, and thinking, well... this is actually like the seventh time so maybe... but then you were TOTALLY RIGHT. God. These little f$ckers.

I have to say that you are handling this so, so well. I really am impressed and proud of you. You are standing for yourself. You know what you deserve and it isn't this half-@ssed excuse for a partner.

I told him that I did not want to live the next eight years as roommates with my husband in a sexless (by his choice) marriage. He has this need to look like a good guy to people, and so I think cutting off sex and being a roommate was his way of pushing me to file so he could say it was what I wanted.

FWIW... this is so ridiculous. He can say it is what you wanted... AFTER HE CHEATED ON YOU WITH YOUR FRIEND. Girlfriend, no-one in the world is going to say that this is what you "wanted." You wanted what you signed up for when you got married-- an honest, loyal partner for life. You got the shaft. Svcks. But not your fault... HIS. He is responsible for his own choices, not you. And when he shows himself to be a $hitty H, cheater and liar, and unable to do the work to restore the marriage... you're simply doing what any sane person would do. Cut your losses. He is not the good guy in this story. Sorry. (I keep telling my H-- this is probably not a positive thing from the whole piecing standpoint-- that I didn't "win". I f-ing lost. No matter what happens, I lost this game because I have a truly $hitty H. Maybe won't be that way forever. But he'll always have done this, no matter what happens to us in the future. And he is GD lucky that I'm still here and willing to consider M2.0 with his dumb @ss. I am feeling a little more feisty than usual, I guess!!)

I also agree with Steve-- don't beat yourself up for your feelings. You deserve to feel angry, and sad, and all the rest. I got a punching bag and it really helped with the anger.

On the gym-- also with Steve. If you wanna go, go. Who cares what he thinks, whether it feeds his fantasy of post-D BFFs or not? You do you, OG. The second it stops serving you to do things as a family, stop. Maybe it is okay one day and not another. I think you shouldn't worry about whether that is confusing to him or not... just focus on yourself and the kids and what is best for the three (four?) of you. Don't waste any energy on him.

xoxo M