One foot in front of the other

[DnJ]

Hello E

Nothing of the path we were unwillingly forced upon is easy. (((Hugs)))

There are incredible blessings and opportunities; stay the course you will make it.

I know I can forgive, but I am not sure if I could freely. He would have to earn it.

Nope. Forgiveness is not earned, and is bestowed freely. It comes from, and is for, you. Forgiveness, as counterintuitive as this sounds, has little to do with the transgressor and everything to do with you and your beliefs.

H cannot do anything to earn your forgiveness.

H forced you onto this unwanted path. He doesn’t control where it takes you. That includes being angry, holding a grudge, and not forgiving him; and includes finding peace, letting go, and finding acceptance and forgiveness. All within your grasp, and abilities to find and/or reinforce/strengthen/craft/discard.

Of course it is a bit of slog to get there. Lots of stuff to work through.

IT SURE IS DARN HARD THOUGH.

LOL

Ain’t that the truth.

Stick with it. Walk the path. Once you’re on the other side you’ll look back and be very happy you did. And by the way, all that hard work pays huge dividends.

I'm trying not to be too binary, but I am finding myself struggling with everything. I do want to stand, I don't want to be divorced, I didn't want to be the one to file first. These were the values and feelings that I began this journey with. I feel forced into a D, for my own financial protection.

Glad to see you not being binary with your viewpoints. Steve has given good advice.

Look to the possibilities. You need not have a firm answer, and it is actually better if you don’t, for many of the currently maddeningly things your are dealing with can/will change their appearance after a while.

Our struggle is within ourselves. It is our ego. That need to be right. That voice that must be heard. We, our ego, gets in our own way. Among the things we need to let go of - H, M, fear, etc. - our ego is paramount. That doesn’t mean we disregard it, no our ego has value and is valuable. We do learn to control that which we can control - ourselves. Our thoughts, actions, and reactions. Which are mostly ego driven.

Dealbreakers, cheating, affairs, and so on; and standing. Yes, quite a bubbling pot of mixed emotions, thoughts, and beliefs. Start with intellect, your thoughts, that which you have direct control over. Consider where you currently are, where you want to be, and what thoughts make that possible and reinforce that chosen path.

But I have no way of knowing IF I CAN forgive for this. I don't think I can know unless we tried to reconcile.

Sorry, that is emotionally driven. Most times everything after “but” is unwittingly justifying us usually in the negative.

Intellectually, you know you can forgive. No need to go further than that. Keep it straightforward. “I can forgive H.”

At first, you will feel like you cannot. You will even believe you cannot. Feelings are real and temporary and do change; stop reinforcing this one and let it wither.

Beliefs can, and do, change. They take time and effort though our directed thoughts and influenced feelings. Once you have crafted a belief which you aspire too, its reinforcement becomes self-affirming which cascades to your feelings and thoughts. A rather cyclic effect, which at the moment is not performing like you want it too, so alterations are required.

Accuracy. “I can forgive.”

Forgiveness is, in truth, foreign to most people. We kind of know what it is. Yet we have little actual experience with it. There are very few living examples, and society is more blame oriented than forgiving. The idea/belief that someone must earn their forgiveness is pretty common, which keeps that very tenet out of people’s reach.

Again, because I do believe in you - “I can forgive”.

Your mind is always listening and crafting your reality. Feed it well. Be patient, this all takes time.

D