Elbereth, I can relate to your latest post so much. Are you a bit of a control freak? I know I am, and I know a lot of LBSs that are tend to not really want to reconcile with a cheater, but they want to be the one to make the determination about it. I struggled with this about a year into my last sitch. If you read my posts from Dec. 2018 I almost became the WAS. We were 6 months+ into reconciling, and I had this desire to just end the marriage and move forward with my life. It was a weird, strange feeling. And it lasted about a month. I think that was the control freak side of me saying "Okay, you were able to turn this thing around, now YOU walkaway while you are in control." I've witnessed this a few times in my own life where a friend, coworker, or someone else I knew, after being cheated on and moving past the infidelity of their spouse decided they wanted to end the marriage after all. We've had a recent newcomer to the board that cheated a while back and now his W is walking away months after agreeing to move forward from it. It happens.

So I relate a lot to what you are saying. I think people that are competitive have this as well. "I am going to win them away from OP!" Then once they've won, they don't like the prize.

So keep sorting it all out. It is hard to think clearly in the midst of the raw emotions of situations like these. One minute you are ready go to file, the next you feel like wrapping your arms around his ankle and holding on for dear life. I get it, I was there too. But as we like to say around here, limbo is the gift of time. Rarely is the natural reaction to these kinds of situations the right one. We need to take the time to stop and consider everything, and move forward purposefully. The LBS that struggle the most are the ones that are like a tumbleweed blowing in the weed. We have an excellent example of that in poster Steve_ right now. Guy does and says whatever comes to him at any given moment, and he is struggling in his situation mightily because of it. You are doing well in that you are just giving it the time it needs to make the big decisions. And you will look back one day, regardless of what happens, and you will be able to say that you took the time to make the best choice.

Keep on working Elbereth! You've got this and you will be better and stronger for it.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018