Still taking it a day at a time (2)

[Pommy99]

{{{May}}} ... it’s so good to catch up on your sitch. When I came back to the forum I did spend a little time reading up on your progress before feeling ready to post about my own.

I am so pleased that you guys are moving forward, and that you have come so far. I can imagine that it has felt like snail’s pace in the moment, but when you read through 5 months’ of updates in an hour like I have done, the progress is so large and evident.

Like you said on my thread, it is so comforting to know that you guys are where you are. Our situations have seemed to run in parallel so much over the last 12+ months: the endings of the A, the relapses, the ambivalence, you overtake me, I drop back, you drop back, I go past...lol! I think one of my fears in coming back to the forum would have been to discover that you guys had made other choices. Admittedly that’s from a very selfish standpoint - i would have not felt as hopeful for my own sitch if I thought yours had gone pear-shaped. But of course I am also so pleased for you and your family that things seem to be on the right track right now.

I know exactly what you mean about the missing script. But I can tell you now that what I read in your updates has so many similarities to mine.... our Hs are still following a script from somewhere! When you talk about Hs’s humility, shame, guilt etc. I am seeing so much of this from mine too. It has taken a while for the A fog to lift but my H seems to be well and truly out of the fog and can see the A - and AP- for what they were: a truly toxic and destructive force. One thing that has made me chuckle is the ‘verbal filter’...or lack thereof that you used to experience so much with your H. My H has now started to operate with no verbal filter .... perhaps fortunately for me it is all historic data, and not real-time like with your H. I just think ‘ew, gross’ every time he opens his mouth like this, but it always makes me smile a little in thinking about your descriptions! I guess I have given H a safe space to share his emotions and he doesn’t know when to stop lol !

There were some other things I wanted to say in relation to specific points but I’m on my phone, in a car park, and it’s not easy to find the bits I need, so I will sign off for now and try again later!

Sending huge hugs May! So proud of where you are and how you are handling things! Xx