It is common for us to analyze and look for a cause and blame. You knew H, you completely believed that he would never cheat on you. (Take comfort, I completely trusted my XW. Completely! Absolutely!)
Do not rewrite your own history. MLC is a strange thing. Our once loving spouse becomes an alien. They blow up their life, and everyone’s around them. And we try to find answers in that which we know. However, most of us don’t know about MLC; it ain’t like it’s portrayed in Hollywood. MLC is a terrible thing, a foreign thing, and it takes quite a shift in our perception to understand it.
Is this just who he was underneath? We all pull the small signs of the past, and the “remembered” signs, to help find answers. Careful not to rewrite your history, not to skew the data. He is a different person now. This might be the new and permanent him, or it might not be. That is really up to him.
Yeah, I do think I'm in a bit of a negative rut and you are right, I shouldn't rewrite my own past. He was the man I fell in love with, at one time. Thanks for the shift in perspective. I needed it.
Originally Posted by DnJ
Your capacity to forgive will probably surprise you. If you want it.
This is a tough one to consider. I know I can forgive, but I am not sure if I could freely. He would have to earn it.
As for standing and the lighthouse, I'm doing my best to do it for me first. I am trying to do as you suggest...be patient, live today well, and let my unknown future unfold in it's own time. IT SURE IS DARN HARD THOUGH.
You always give me such good things to think about...
Me 52, H 56 T10 M7, 2nd MR for both 2 Step Sons (19 and 21) BD: Fall 2020 D finalized: July 2022 XH Married AP soon after D day.
