OK, so I have been putting off my lawyer for a few months now. H refused to see the kids during lockdown 3 at all. I asked him when he was going to see them and he muttered something about infection rates being too high. I pointed out that they NEVER GO OUT so couldn't possibly have covid and then told him I was going to drop them down to save him the journey. He did say thank you afterwards, to give him his due. He had barely seen them in 2 or 3 months and I thought it was important for everyone's sake for the kids to see him. But basically I didn't see him for 3 months really, I saw him a week ago but only for half an hour and he had his stupid dog trying to get run over so it didn't seem a suitable time. Then today he came over to see the kids and I asked if he wanted to go for a walk, he said yes. Halfway through he said he wanted to get the divorce ball rolling. I said yes, that would be good, and that I had always loved him and probably always will, that he's an important part of my life but we should get divorced. Phew. He said he didn't want to discuss details but I did get out of him that he has been sort of job hunting but without success (he left with a cloud over his head and press scandal after the political stuff in his last job), but that he would work again despite his health issues. Well, he has to if he wants a divorce! He also said that he won't be staying in our little second home and wants to sell it, and I said that I want to buy him out of it if possible. He agreed, I need to work out if it's feasible financially but I really want that house! I love it there, though I can't live there till both kids have left home properly as it's too small. I also said I wanted slightly more than half of everything as I would be responsible for the kids for some years to come, even if technically ds1 is an adult and ds2 not far off. He muttered something about wanting to not be ripped off and I assured him that all I wanted was fairness and that his earning capacity is many times mine. So hopefully we can keep it amicable. If nothing else, he might play ball just to keep costs down. I will keep reiterating that I want things to be fair for everyone and that our relationship with the kids and each other is worth being nice over money. Hopefully that will work. He is a bully though, so who knows. I will get half even if he's horrible about it, the law is pretty clear there.
Then he left and I realised we hadn't talked to the kids so I told them and that nothing would change for them. It wasn't out of the blue as I'd mentioned the possibility of D to both kids over the last month or two. Ds2 looked unphased and ds1 looked upset and locked himself in his room. I texted H and asked him to ring him and reassure him, which he did whilst saying I should have waited till he was there (he's not coming till ds2's birthday in 2 weeks!). Eventually I coaxed ds1 out of his room and we drove off for a walk and in the car I told him that I was relieved his dad wanted a D, that I was happier not living with him because he was unhappy and that infected us all, that it has been 2.5 years and it's time to move things along, and that I love my life and him and his brother. That I will always have a bedroom for him even after he leaves home whenever he needs it, that financially nothing will change for him, that I am so so proud of him and his brother for being incredible human beings who have inherited the best bits of both me and H and that we both love them very much. Then we both cried a little bit. Then we went for a walk and I made him laugh and it hailed on us on and off and I gave him my pink scarf and purple gloves and gave him a big hug which he submitted to. He seemed much happier afterwards even though he didn't talk. He never talks about feelings, it worries me. Then we had a roast dinner and watched telly together, and I made them promise to watch Toy Story 4 with me tomorrow to celebrate Mother's Day. So, that's my update. It's been an emotional day. I've been working ridiculously hard the last 2 weeks on a deadline so I am exhausted and emotional and wanting to get this work done so I can relax and process all this stuff. I told ds1 that I'm happier than I was when H lived with us, and that is really the truth. He is such a troubled man, but I'm no longer responsible for any of his troubles. That freedom is wonderful
