i fixate on things as if thinking and worrying about everything will somehow make things better which it never will. All it does is burn me out and make me constantly anxious. Glad to hear you are making progress on that, im tired of getting knocked around as well.
I know EXACTLY what you mean about the constant thinking, worrying, ruminating, etc. It is absolutely brutal and drains you to the point where you have nothing left for work, kids, or yourself. And I am by no means over it, not at all. But I've worked hard on realizing that all that worrying has changed nothing and helped nothing. All it did was ruin my life even more, make me sleepwalk through life, not be present with my kids, and mail it in at work. I really think most of the pain we go through is self-inflicted. Sure, they are the ones who put us in this position but we're the ones who allow ourselves to stay in them and keep torturing ourselves with thoughts of "what is she doing?" "who is she with?" "will she come back?" blah blah blah. None of those thoughts are helpful. None of them will do anything other than make you feel worse than you already do. I think once you get to the point you (and I) are at where there is nothing more to find out or snoop for because it can't get any worse, it is almost a twisted kind of freedom. For me, I leaned heavily into mindfulness/meditation and doing my best to be rooted in the present moment and not worrying about what might happen in the future or dwelling on the past. It isn't a magic bullet, I still hurt, but the hurt is less and doesn't last as long when it comes.
