Hi sweetie. Glad you are taking care of you and your girl.
You know, we really do get back what we put out there, right? Without realizing it, in our actions, mannerisms, the way we stand, hold ourselves, facial expressions...all let people know how we feel in some way. Not totally, of course. But, stay with me here a minute.
If you feel the way you do about yourself...that you are a loser, not good enough, etc...and trust me i see through the positive things you are saying here because you always qualify it with a negative thing.. All of that is put out into the world. You may think you are getting over on people because you are always smiling and talkative and whatever..but people do notice.
I think negative stuff put out there attracts negative reactions.
If you think about what your ex thinks...; a man who cheated on his pregnant wife and married the affair partner..holds any weight at all in an opinion of you??? that's crazy thinking. He cannot shine your shoes. In my eyes...that right there^^^^^ his actions and the fact that he married someone who would be an accomplice in cheating on a pregnant woman...is the definition of loser so let's just put those thought right the heck out of your head.
You chose men based on where you were at..at the time..and each time, you learned from it. What you want and what you dont want. That's what you put out there and so that is who you wound up with. Had you known better at the time, you would have done better.
I dont think you are where you need to be yet to be in a relationship. Sorry but it is the truth. You say all these things about yourself, then you negate them.
You have to truly believe them deep in your soul. When you do, you want care who thinks what about you if they arent worthy. You wont wonder why you have been alone. You will understand it was part of your journey and not anything lacking in you.
We all get there when we do. There isnt a timeline for it. Some are meant to get there sooner than we are. Took me a long time.;.still not where I want to to be yet. Have had huge setbacks in the last 3 years...huge..put me back to a place I didnt ever want to be again. But, I have to accept that this is part of my journey. That there are things I didnt learn as deeply as I need to. Doesnt make me lacking...just makes me human..
So keep working on you. Keep exercising. Keep going out with friends and hanging with little G. Keep working on your house and finding new things to do.
I promise you, when you are truly ready...when you are really strong about who you are..that is when you will put that all out into the world and people will feel it and respond.
Love you, my friend. K eep going.
And if I hear you say cr@p like that about what he may think;.;i am taking a little road trip. Just sayin.
