Another LBH (not kinda) pt. 5

[LH19]

I was referring to back then it would've been "taking me back" because that's all I was hoping for. Now I feel like I have more say in the situation because I am not looking for her to take me back and that I have some say in what I want, what my boundaries are, and that I have more serious doubts about even wanting to reconcile.

The only say you don't have is her being a good, loving faithful wife. You can have one of those if you want. Just not her.

Does that mean I am not under her thumb? Hell no!

What is keeping you under her thumb?

But to put it in jiu-jitsu terms - she had me in full mount and I managed to get back to half-guard. Now I just need to pull off the sweep.

I don't even know what that means.

As for how things are different of late - I've gone back to detaching.

LOL. You don't go back and forth with detaching. Trust me you are not detached. Detaching is hard and takes time.

The only contact we've had since Saturday has been logistical and during those exchanges I haven't responded with anything more than the bare minimum.

Good!

I'm going to hold strong on staying at the house and in my bed. That's not negotiable.

If you go back on this she will have zero respect for you.

I've got my first personal trainer session on Monday and will be going 2x a week. I have my life coach sessions scheduled and paid for. I'm the type of person who needs to be held accountable, so actually signing up, spending money, and putting things on the calendar makes sure I don't make excuses.

Good stuff!

I'm not out of the woods by a long stretch. Things just FEEL different this go around. More anger, more motivation, less victim, less dwelling on things. More nervous excitement and less full-blown 24/7 anxiety.

I think you are starting to come out of denial and into the anger stage. You are certainly not out of the woods but I think you can see a small light at the end of the tunnel