Totally agree. I've basically been a functioning alcoholic for 20 years. Never full-blown, I wouldn't drink in the morning or have withdrawals if I went a day, but up until Dry January I hadn't gone a week without drinking for as long as I could remember. Having 1 drink was never an option. It was all or nothing. But seeing how many positive changes happened in January with not drinking and seeing how I lost a lot of those changes since I started again is a wakeup call. Hard part is that is has become such a part of my identity. Most of my t-shirts are pub/brewery shirts I've collected over the years. My birthday/Xmas presents always include something beer related. So I need to change that identity because like you said, it is hard enough doing this sober, doing it drunk just adds a whole other layer of bad choices, bad thinking, and depression.
I unfortunately had to give up some friendships when I went sober. Turns out they were less friends and more drinking buddies. Tried hanging out with them after I stopped drinking but they couldn't handle me but drinking. Constantly tried to get me to have a drink. "One won't kill you!" So for my own sobriety I had to move on from them. It tough but proved how serious I was about sobriety. I think you'll have a similar feeling if you start ridding your life of that identity.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
