Yep. You still think you are going to strategically get yourself out of it.
Unfortunately it's game over my friend. So the question is are you going to go out on your terms or continue with the death by 1,000 papercuts?
I know. Boy, do I know. I beat myself up daily, get angry, get motivated, and then fold. At least about filing for the D right now. I'm not going back on what I've told her, I will stay here and in my bed. I'm also not going to continue being more than a co-parent at this point. I won't be a d!ck and I'm not going even bother pointing out all the sh!tty things she's done/doing. I guess I'm a glutton for punishment, but I am trying to change that as well. It's like deprogramming one of Pavlov's dogs.
So SD when your stbxw acknowledges your changes and still chooses to sleep with other dudes it’s an attraction thing. It 100 percent isn’t going to come back while you are acting like a scared little boy. 100 percent she can see it and feel it. Once she feels comfortable with OM you will be served. You will tell yourself you did it for your kids or you want to be able to say you tried everything but the truth is you are being passive because of fear. As Kevin Bacon said in Few Good Men” those are the facts of the case and the facts are irrefutable”.
I agree on the attraction thing and while she is seeing changes she likes and wants, it isn't enough to make her want to give up the thrill of the OM or dating or whatever. She's like an addict. She knows he won't leave his wife, she knows he is using her, she knows it isn't really going anywhere, but it's forbidden fruit and exciting and she isn't a "wife" or "mom" or any of that other crap. But like I have said before, I do have to thank her in a lot of ways for this, as f'ed up as it is. I'm really digging into this codependency stuff and talk about a 2x4! More like a lead pipe. Each of her betrayals has made me dig further into myself, something I wouldn't have done on my own or without the pain to motivate me, and see things/make changes I never would have on my own. And NOT to please her, but to please myself. It goes beyond the marriage into all aspects of my life. Up until now I have been trying to take responsibility for what I did in the past but now I realize I was just blaming myself. No more of that. She continues to take zero responsibility which tells me she hasn't grown or done any self-reflection. So screw that. I'm ready to detach and no longer live in fear of what she is doing or going to do.
