One foot in front of the other

[Elbereth]

H seems confused for the need for the agreement about funds he's spent

Of course he did. Lol.

He has the attention span of a gnat right now. He is off in La La Land running around with fairies and unicorns. Things like bills and money and fair equitable splitting of martial asset and bank accounts is not on his radar.

This made me laugh... I can visual it and it's not flattering for him. haha

He would love it if you would just go along with his narrative. Do not fall for it! Protect yourself. Know your rights. Ensure you see a L and ask lots of questions. See what you are entitled to, what the default outcome is (the worst case), what the likely outcome is, what rights and monies you can waive, what rights you cannot waive, what you are willingly to wave or negotiate away, and what you are willing to fight tooth and nail for.

Yeah, he's like, can't we just do it over the internet? I'm like, NO, I can't trust you. You started hiding money and spending behind my back even after we discussed telling each other what we were spending. So, yeah, I have gone to a L, and I am getting prepared to protect myself and come up with a strategy. I've also signed up for a financial course that will help me get through this as well as understand better how to set myself up on my own.

Remember the two main hallmarks of MLC are depression and confusion. The confusion is from the two, or more, lives pushing inside them. Eventually most choose the easy path and totally commit to the running. The confusion goes deep within them and they seldom will show it anymore. Of course, one cannot run from themselves; and in the darkness of night, laying still in their bed, with no distractions of delights to run too, they recall a past life which somehow superimposed upon the current one(s). Such is the outcome of choosing such an immoral path. Depression and sleep deprivation are very common among those in crisis. Their physical appearance and health takes a terrible beating; gray circles under the eyes, they age like a decade while they try to regain their youth. Perhaps you have notice such things.

Yes, he is running and I should have seen it coming by past behaviors with other things in his life. He won't change unless he faces what he is running from, and I am not sure he will, so that is also why I feel I need to protect myself. His selfishness runs deep too. And yes, he is aging before my eyes. So weird to look at him and see a stranger in his eyes and how unhealthy he looks. The loving part of me wants to hug and him tell him it will get better, but then I realize, he's no longer the man I knew. It would be like hugging a ghost. Meaningless and fleeting.

I have been gathering documents and am meeting with the L this week to review the plan. In my state it isn't a year, so it can a matter of months if it doesn't drag out. But since he's been dishonest, there probably will be a period of discovery. I'm not sure he has the fight in him, there hasn't been a lot of anger. At least since the BD. Before then there was, as well as criticism, judgement, lashing out, etc. I have been so confused over the last few years at what was going on, and so I think he's 2-3 years into the crises. And I now wonder if this isn't his first one.

How are you doing? Do you feel detached still? Somewhat? You are further along than you feel, as odd as that sounds. One’s feelings take time to catch up, which seems weird when discussing the very detachment of feelings. It has to do with the fact that feelings are reactive. Beliefs are proactive, leading, inspiring.

A topic for another post, another day. I believe I’ve taken up more than enough of your thread. Lol.

Mmmm...I'm not really sure how I am feeling. I definitely am up and down a bit. I've also been sleeping a lot more than I had been lately. But I'm doing my best to face the discomfort, rest as I feel I need it, and also take time to do things that bring me joy like long walks on the beach or playing with my cat or watching shows. I'm juggling so many things right now that I try not to get sucked into one thing at a time and try to do the uncomfortable (or not so fun stuff) in bursts, like for an hour here and there instead of spending the whole evening digging up paperwork for example.

Anyway, everyone can write as much and as often as they'd like on my thread and I find it so helpful and it means a lot. Thank you so much! I'll catch up more later.