It is really good to hear from you. I have been thinking a lot about you and wondering how you are doing. I have to say it is somehow very comforting to know that you're still in piecing, even if things aren't exactly peachy. I think there is still just a long road ahead no matter what happens, and D is no picnic either. You (and I) are in tough spots and unfortunately the only way out is to go through. I'm wondering if you, me, and Wayfarer should move our threads over to piecing? I feel there would be some value to it and can share more of my thoughts if you guys were also interested. It would be nice to see some movement over there. SamCal (if she's still around), I think BluWave and Steve already have threads over there... anyone else?
I have a lot of thoughts but only a couple of minutes, and want to mostly say... I know how you feel, so so so so much. (((Pommy))) This is all so hard and of course you feel angry and scared and vulnerable and anxious. It's OK. But here are some things people have been telling me which has helped: try to de-stress and focus on the present and releasing your anxiety. Dial up to 20,000 feet and stretch out your timeline. Are you OK where you are, right now? Of course not perfect, but are you OK doing what you are doing and moving in the direction you're moving, even not knowing what lies at the end?
If so, maybe you can just take things a day at a time, or a week at a time, and try to squelch that need to analyze exactly where he is and you are and is it moving in the right direction or not. Just relax and try to enjoy the positive things about where you are right now. Your health, your girls, the fact that he is trying and not in touch with EAP. That you know it is just you, him and the M. That is such a major step from where you were before, right? I do try to be grateful for where we are and the progress we've made, even when it isn't where I want to be, yet.
Also-- what are you doing for you? I think the self-care piece continues to be really critical. The more you can focus on you and whatever it is that feeds your soul, the less time and energy you'll have to worry about what your H is or isn't giving you at the moment and how paltry that seems compared to the vision of M2.0.
Hang in there. Maybe let's raise a G&T to each other tonight??
xx M
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
