Following up from my other post

[wayfarer]

Ok J - here we go,

The first is hard for me, I just don't know how to let go of being in love with her AND when I see her AND when she send me text messages outside of picture of our daughter like this morning I get so confused:
(Picture of a vintage sweater with the text "Mom found this baller sweater I used to wear 😂"

First there is no AND here. It's not letting go of being in love with your ex. It's accepting that it's over. She's the mother of your child. A part of you will always love her. Probably not in the way you love her right now, but love has many faces. If you keep thinking of this in the context of "I need to not love her" you're never going to get any where. You need to accept she doesn't love you back. You're head, heart and gut will figure the rest out eventually.

As to the random messages, many of the WASs here have a lovely little picture of how they will be BFFs and amazing co-parents out of the gate. No down time. No space for healing. No acknowledging the pain they've caused. Just a lovely little fairy tale where no one pulled the rug out from any one. Just a glorious amiable uncoupling decided upon mutually at the exact same time. But that's not reality most of the time. And that isn't what happened here is it? You do not have to be BFFs with the mother of your child because she is the mother of your child. Conversely being her BFF because you are still in love with her only serves her, and does absolutely nothing for you. You're hoping for a pay off here. You won't get it. I'm sorry.

She only likes my social media posts that have to do with our daughter, never any of my personal ones.

Yup. Because she doesn't want to get back together. She's already skipped right on to BFF co-parents as I just mentioned.

I really think she is conflicted AND she is the most stubborn person I know. I feel her conviction to be unattached

Yeah, you have no idea if she's conflicted, and if she is what she's actually conflicted about. You have to stop mindreading. It's only going to hurt you. I know you want to try to understand this so badly. We all did. We all do, but mindreading won't serve you. It will just make you spiral.

I typically get real spun out when I relive the past AND now I know of someone that wants to date her - which is really getting me spiraling

Both things are totally normal. And getting to the other side of that is totally within your control. You're anxiety is forcing you look backwards and pinpoint every possible mistake you could've ever possible made in the relationship and your desire to understand some of this is telling you had you made any of those changes or hadn't made any of those mistakes everything would be fine. It's not true. It's lie your anxiety is telling you. Hindsight is always 20/20. As to her dating. You are just as free to date as she is. I realize because you are in love with her still you're desire to do so isn't there. But you have to realize you don't own her. She broke up with you. She moved out. For all intents and purposes your relationship is over. It's going to hurt. It's ok to be upset. We are here and we can talk to you through this if you need it, but you had to know that was an inevitability. She has no intention on waiting for you they way you are waiting on her.

I am making good strides here. I'm learning how to emotionally regulate myself. I'm learning to start to envision a love that I want to create in the future, irregardless of who it is with.

This is good. This is positive stuff. Keep focusing on this.

ALL that being said: This break up has been a gift as I wouldn't have been able to access my shame, my addictions (to things on the internet) my anxiety, giving away my power, self regulation and putting that responsibility on to someone else and my low level anxiety.

Lastly, I've learned so much over the past 2 months about myself and relationships. Despite the biggest piece (#1) I do see myself as a really different man who is continuing to grow. I literally do feel like a different man.

This is really good introspection. This is all good stuff too. Finding the silver lining is so important right now.

Conflicted in what I sense.
Conflicted with how to let go of the desire.
Learning how to accept her decision (perhaps this is the pre-cursor to accepting all of her if we reconcile).

Bro this is mindreading. Then thinking there's some sort of magic button to stopping loving someone. Immediately followed by some really sketchy thought process that seems very NGS. In the worst sense of that. You accepting what happened doesn't help get to reconciliation or get you to a point where you are emotionally mature enough to accept a person as they are. You accepting her decision puts you in position to move on with your life. You moving on with your life and learning and growing as a person is a pre-cursor to being a person some one would want to reconcile with. I have so many questions as to why you seem to think accepting a decision she seems pretty committed to is a stepping stone in being in an adult mature relationship not full of unrealistic expectations and a grounded foundation of understanding and trust that is accepting a person as they are.

The part about her traveling more often and allowing her to take my daughter for long extended periods of time hurts (missing my daughter) AND I'm willing to do it because I care about the connection between her mom and my daughter AND I'm hoping she sees this as a positive thing and that gets reflected on to me AND she sees how I value family.

Sigh.......this is a payoff. This is exactly what I meant. Your ex's mom is sick. You do what you need to do to be a good co-parent and human being when a family is in a time of need not because you might get something out of it.

Now my ex is having a birthday party with her friends who are flying here next week - my ex invited me.....
1- I'm torn whether to go or not....
2- I go and I was thinking of having my own party for our daughter later in the day and whether I should invite her and her friends
3- I don't go.....

Don't go. You are not a couple. You are currently not a happy family in 2 households, that takes a lot of time and emotional distance. Have your own party on a different day. Your daughter is 2. She can't handle 2 parties in one day with out a meltdown. And no do not invite your ex's friends. Invite your friends. Or just have a super awesome daddy/daughter day. She's not going to remember this birthday anyway. You are.