I get it. I'm still trying to please my STBXH despite what a piece of crap he was to me at times. I can look back and see we would take vacations to Hawaii, Las Vegas... and I would be sitting there silently crying. Tears streaming down my face for the way he would make me feel and then 2hr later he would act like it was no big deal and for me to get over it. He would never apologize - just try to do something he thought I would perceive as nice and then never give it another thought.
This is exactly what abusers do. To apologize would admit that they were in the wrong. Instead they try to "smooth" over it with gifts, compliments, etc. Reminds me of the scene in the movie Sleeping With The Enemy. After hitting her he goes out and gets her an expensive negliegee, and then expects her to wear it for him and to have sex. It is intimidation, narcissism, and gaslighting all rolled together. I even remember him telling her "I am sorry we quarreled." HUH? You smacked her around there was no quarreling! GASLIGHTING!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
