I am not detached, Pack19 part4

[Pack_19]

Come on man we know where your focus is Pac.

Hi LH! Great to hear from you again! Thanks for being there for me!

Yes I know, do it, don't just say it. I cannot wait to finish Holding on to your Nuts, passing the first motorbike test and jumping on one! I also have great hopes for the yearly review this year at work, fingers crossed!

There is a voice growing in my head telling me I deserve more, better and I cannot tolerate what W is doing now.

Listen to that voice.

That voice is changing the size of the steps I take ahead. I want to feed it but without being arrogant, knowing what I was lacking and making sure it never happens again.

You can show your children that with another partner.

And all I have to do is destroy the barrier I have forcing me to think it would not be or feel natural and amazing.

I cant get rid of the feeling that I failed, that I pressured her too much and that I made many mistakes along 2020 but at the same time she has given me not the slightest option to turn this around.

Because your W is gone Pack and probably will be for a really long time.

And there is nothing I can do about this. All I can do is turn me into the best man and father I can envision.

I think a lot about my boundaries, my NUTS and the deadline I have in May this year.

Soooo..........

So I will file in May. I had some hope she might change when I moved away from the picture but as you can imagine not at all, I am killing that hope and sticking to my values, boundaries and NUTS. If I am going to rebuild my emotional life, it will start with a D.

Pack lots of "I's" in that last paragraph.

Meanwhile she is out there meeting guys and pretending her life has started now. I know this is my mind thinking the wrong way but I cannot help it, my feelings and my values push me to defend the value in all we had.

Again this is all about what you want

Yes I sounded too selfish there. What I meant is that all we had and we had worked to have it was of great value to me. I know now she prioritizes other things I was not able to deliver, not that I cannot do it, I did not understand these were of such high importance.

But LH, for me it should be all about me now right? Not regarding the outcome of our M but regarding my life right now. I need to be put myself first and cover my needs and really be happy alone. Otherwise, how am I ever to be fun and attractive again?