First of all, can I say how sorry I am that you are here? But as they all say, this is a supportive place to be while you navigate this process.
My heart goes out to you in anticipation of H's return to the house. Live-in separation was the hardest thing I think I have ever endured, but it lasted months for me and my H did a lot of spewing and monstering. DnJ, CW and Over gave you some fantastic advice. I have a few thoughts to add about your upcoming week and in no particular order:
- Give yourself grace, lots of it. (Whether or not you 'snap out of the funk', you still give yourself grace. You're going through SO much right now.)
- Get out of the house as much as possible. Go for daily walks (runs, yoga, whatever endorphin-increasing activity you can). I like the idea of taking a book to the park. I believe we are in the same region and the weather looks to be pretty nice for a while, can you go hiking this week?
- Have your support network on speed dial. This isn't the week to think 'I don't want to bother people with my drama'. People who love you want to support you, don't be afraid to reach out.
- As hard (and I mean HARD) it is, don't engage in any R talks. You will never feel better afterwards no matter what was discussed.
- Don't overthink your actions and interactions with H. Nothing you do or don't do in this week is going to dramatically change the short term outcome of your situation (if H is truly in a MLC). Being true to yourself is going to make YOU feel better.
People would tell me 'you won't feel this way forever, things will get easier' and intellectually I could somewhat wrap my mind around it, but emotionally I thought there was no way I would EVER feel OK again. But guess what? They were right. Which is why I go back to giving yourself grace right now. You WILL be OK. But during the moments when you are not, that's OK too. It is all part of the process.
