I have more to say and when I have time I'll write something more encompassing about what you wrote here and the questions I never answered on my thread. However, for now I just want to remind you. We spent almost 4 months not talking about the A at all. We spent 4 months basically dating. We were very cautious around each other. I didn't bare my soul. We didn't emotionally connect for a while. I think OverRainbow can speak on that too. I was scared if I let him in he'd just hurt me so we inched along to that point. The sweeping me in his arms didn't happen until after we were able to put things on the table. And his remorse is a constant under current. We almost work in reverse from the two of you. H constantly thinks every time I'm stressed, sad, upset, pretty much every negative emotion it's because of him. Honestly that gets annoying for me. I don't want to have to constantly reassure him there are other things in this world that can affect me negatively. I've more than proved I'm in this long haul.
I say all this so you understand. None of this is linear. And this side of the journey isn't going to be the same for every one. This is all one step at a time. I was in a mess for about 4 months. 8 months later I can finally say we're entering M 2.0. When I think about my exH and what I did there. It probably took us 2 years to get back to some version of normal. Where he felt secure and I wasn't thinking 24/7 I made a mistake not walking away for good when I had the chance. But he never changed. He was always going to do what he was going to do. So I did leave for good a year after that. When our new normal was exactly the same as our old one. Honestly, your H had you guys in a mess for 2 years. It's going to take you at least that much time to get back to where you were, pre-A. It'll probably take another year to really feel like your in M 2.0. You have a very long road ahead of you. I know you're good for it if you continue to choose it. But you can't use books or us as a place to put your milestones in piecing. You'll have to set those yourself. And you know them when you see them. The same goes if/when you start to see the signs pointing to an exit. You have to trust your gut now. Not your head or your heart. Trust your gut for this.
