I KNOW he and I aren't going anywhere. I've always known that. I know you are the better man for me. And of all honesty I planned to commit myself to really trying with you once my 3 jobs settled. I am not nor have been stringing you along. And I am not making [censored] up now just for fun. I've known these things all along. I just haven't been ready. I've been so hurt by you for so long and now you are showing up in so many ways. And I am f*cking angry about it. But I also know if I can get over the anger and find my way back that it would be a more fulfilling life than the path we were previously on.
Is this the manipulation?
Salty, yes, her goal seems to be to influence you to wait as a backup option. She's not waiting--she's flying off with OM#1 to have a week of great sex and see where their feelings are.
As long as she believes if she changed her mind you'd take her back, exploring OM is safe. It sounds like she's convinced coming back to you would be more fulfilling than before, but she's not convinced it's more fulfilling than OM#1 or the next OM or she wouldn't be flying to them.
I do believe her anger at you making 180s now and not before when she was into you. To get over the anger and pain, she'd need to commit to getting over the anger and pain. There are therapists, books, etc. for that. It's work but doable if she wants it--it's neither rocket science nor does it just happen.
