I know what you mean about wanting his approval, but I know you know that you don't need it. You just want it. It is silly, but it would make you feel better right?
It won't happen until you are not part of his life anymore. I have seen this a lot, where the LBS keeps the WS around and then wonders why they are being strung along. And the answer is: It's because they are being strung along.
The WS is still used to all of the privilege they had from the marriage. They stay connected to have a base level of security. My ex called and texted me in the middle of the night once because a strange car parked in front of our house (I was not living there anymore). Sorry, call your OM or the cops. Not my business anymore.
WS's want to have their cake and eat it too, and it will leave you feeling used and abused. So you have to not let them. That's a huge benefit of NC. A good NC strategy compensates for our weaknesses by removing us from the manipulation until we can heal some and resist it all effectively from a position of strength. So congrats on your NC since October. Keep it up!
Save yourself. Nobody is coming! BD:11/2017 Filed:12/2017 Final: 2/2018
Please someone stop me from doing something I'll regret. My H left town today. He accepted a new job and moved 1,400 miles away. He contacted me a week ago and told me he was moving. We haven't even filed for D yet. I'm hurt. Although things have been over for a year now, I feel his moving makes it final and it just hurts like hell. I really want to call him up and lash out at him for causing so much chaos in my life and our D's life, and just skipping on out of town on his merrily way. I know if I do this it will show that I still care. I don't want to care, but I do. This freaking [censored].
Me: 47 H: 45 T: 24 M:23 D23 BD #1 12/19: ILYBNILWY BD #2 2/20: I discovered H was having an affair with OW. (OW is 21 and lives in another country) Current R status: Separated.
Stick to not contacting. In the end you will feel better for not having contacted. Take it an hour at a time today... then it will be easier to do a day at a time.
Maybe write out everything you want to say to him on paper. Take the time to really get everything out and make your points convincingly. Expressing it TO him won’t help your situation, but taking the time to express it can be therapeutic, and we’re here and care if it’s important your message actually be heard.
I second CW... and was going to recommend not necessarily writing it convincingly, but letting all that anger out. You can write as many letters as you want! Just don't send them.
Do something physical too if that helps-- even just a short run (or a whole bunch of jumping jacks!) can clear your mind a bit. I got a punching bag and it was amazing for getting out the anger and a bit of a workout without even noticing it at the same time.
Hang in there. xx
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
