Fierce compassion, equanimity, integrity #2

[DnJ]

Hello cardinal

It is interesting when we look at ourself participating in someone’s alternate reality. Like the Venn diagram you spoke of; our views overlapping their’s and a new shade of colour or reality emerging.

I have been wondering what DnJ would say.

There is no alternate reality. There is no absolute reality either. Reality is what one makes it. We all create our own heaven or h3ll or anywhere in between, and it is always changing and shifting. Like your circle on the big Venn diagram it interacts with many other realities. Perceptions, feelings, thoughts, beliefs, all at different times getting influenced, shifted, strengthened, altered, changed as other people’s ideas and lives mix with your’s.

You are not participating in an alternate reality of H. You are just living your life, which currently has more of H in it than it has in sometime.

The feelings of alternate come from the oddness of H’s behaviour. H’s behaviour, his present suppling you a stash of croissants for example, is not of his norm as of late and is therefore not expected. You are “expecting” the divorce/annulment stuff is waiting there in the background and he is just getting ready to spring it upon you. Ah, expectations. Even when the non-meeting of them is more a positive, we still get confused, anxious, and start to feel a bit of resentment.

It has been months and H is still living there, and not seemingly pursuing to end things any time soon. So, what’s the big deal? Isn’t this a good thing? It could be. It may not be. Point is, don’t manipulate his path. Walk your path.

Ideas of pushing forward a D have a subtext of manipulation about them. Like trying pushing H forward. You have gathered your data, let H do the heavy lifting now - if he truly wants to. The standing LBS’ path is about healing themselves and outlasting MLC. H is still in the home. Be roommates. Outlast this thing.

To that end, you focus upon yourself. You keep living. You GAL. You continue to have those friendly dinners and banter. This is not some alternate reality, this is your present reality. And it’s a good one! Live it. Enjoy it. Enjoy the croissants. Lol

Joking aside. If H is to emerge or awaken, none of us know how, when, or what path he would walk. Leave that to God. Do not manipulate his path, you do not want that responsibility. Presently your’s and H’s paths have converged somewhat. You are not looking to divorce, don’t need to have financial protection at the moment, are prepared if things did take a turn, so enjoy this time, and remain pressure-free towards H and yourself.

Or by not continuously acknowledging to him that it's weird to go weeks living like friendly roommates while this unresolved D hangs in the background, am I hiding from reality too? Am I reinforcing his reality?

Yes, you are reinforcing his reality. And you are altering it as well.

In truth, if you were to fight against it, that would reinforce it even stronger and prevent the possibility of your influence altering his perceptions. Pressure-free; time; space; those allows H to feel differently. Allows him the time and space to possible see differently. A pressure-free environment has a much better probability of H adjusting his view and moving along his path. Your circle affects his Venn diagram too - when he is calm enough to see it. Nothing you do affects his path, and everything you do affects it.

Are you hiding from reality? No, you are seeking the very existence of it.

What could/should I actually do, short of moving out? What action should I be taking vs. what is just an illusion of action? What is leaving him to deal with the choices he's made on his own versus not doing enough to take control of my life?

Questions are pretty common and a good sign of healing and a healthy person. I find questions arise from one challenging their beliefs and ensuring their convictions serve them and are wanted. Perhaps that resonates with you and your current place along your path.

Speaking of your path, I’d place you in limbo. Detached, had indifference, feelings returning, and can find indifference when needed. It’s a weird place, to be honest. One you probably have never really had the need to experience, or previously experience at such a scale and duration.

It is pretty clear there is still a void of feelings. A strange pull to wonder if your life is going in a good direction. Nature abhors a vacuum and our emotional self looks to fill the hole indifference has created. Certain feelings will look larger than they really are. Will feel more real, more true, and much bigger. Do not make decisions based upon feelings - especially when the void of indifference is warping your reality.

This limbo can hurt. Do take solace, this limbo is not punishing, for it is a choice of your’s. Seeing this as a step along one’s path removes much of the sting and pain from existing in a limbo state. We embrace this choice, this limbo. We embrace our life, as it presently is, and live it greatly!

Perhaps, you can see your situation through such a lens. Perhaps you can let go the timeframe. Embrace the timeless hope. Embrace your present life. Be patient and let God.

The future is thankfully unknown, and will reveal itself, in good time.

D