New M, new WAW

[mako]

So W decided she wanted to go look at places to live, and she asked if I wanted to come. I had nothing to do and the kids were accounted for with the in laws so said what the heck I'll come along. So we looked around at local places where we might want to live, separately. This was a bit surreal and it is odd to me she asked me to go.

We have agreed to a 50-50 custody, so it's important for both of us to be at least somewhat in agreement with where we live, for convenience of the custody situation. For example, I don't want to live an hour away from her and it be difficult with the kids every week or whatever. Neither of us wants to stay in our current house. We've only been here a couple years so neither us nor the kids are super attached, and neither of us really wants to stay in the place where our marriage died.

As an aside, I think if this had happened to me in my first M it would have freaked me the F out, but while there were a few low points I was pretty much fine all day. Yes, it is reasonable to try and figure out where I might want to live when all of this is over. Like I said, where we live is going to matter to both of us and to the kids, so might as well think about it. Thinking about it is not going to change what my W thinks one way or the other so why not?

We had a few misses, and we also found a nice neighborhood that both of us really like. TBH if it was 4 years ago we probably would have moved there together. As of now I don't know, I need to think about it, but I think I could see myself there. It's still going to be some time until all that happens, but it's a start in figuring that part out anyway.

I think doing this and being alright with it is a good sign of starting to successfully detach. Don't get me wrong, I am still having difficulty eating with constant butterflies in the stomach and it's tough sleeping well so I am nowhere near all the way there, BD was really just a week ago after all. But it's something.